Confronting Your Emotions

I've spoken a lot on these posts about how to handle conflict and confrontation. And, though those things are sometimes unavoidable, I think it is usually best to approach them with caution, self-control and kindness.

There is one time, however, when I think confrontation should be brutal, painful and unrelenting. And that's when it comes to confronting your own emotions.

Emotions.

There is one consistent thing about emotions - they are always changing! You can wake up one day and think the world is great! A half hour later, after you have failed to locate a clean suit, found your toothpaste has run out and are well on your way to being late for work, you think - life sucks! What's changed? Just your emotions.

But it's not these every day emotions I want to talk about today. The emotions I want to focus on are much more subtle. They only show up when something else is bothering you, so it's sometimes hard to pin them down. Let me give you an example. You know how, when your boss upsets you by micromanaging you and you start to get that helpless, angry feeling in response? You think your boss is just a jerk - but what you don't realize is that the emotions you were actually experiencing - anger, helplessness and frustration - were really a holdover from when your father used to yell at you when you were a kid.

And remember when your friend made you angry by sharing your personal information with another friend of yours? You think your friend is just disloyal, but you don't realize you are reliving your high school experiences, when you were the object of ridicule and scorn.

The emotions I'm talking about are directly related to why you react to things the way you do. And, if you find yourself particularly reacting to a word, an event or a certain type of behavior, those are big clues that you have unresolved issues in those areas.

One of the books on my sidebar, 'Healing the Child Within', is really good at helping people deal with unresolved emotional issues. One thing the author said that resonated with me is that emotions don't correspond to a certain timeframe. In other words, if something painful happened to you 10 years ago and you never dealt with it, the remembered pain is just as fresh today as it was then. Try thinking about something like that now - see how those remembered feelings of hurt, embarassment, humiliation or betrayal are still right underneath the surface of your everyday emotions. Waiting for you. Causing you to overreact to certain stimuli. Haunting you. Weighing you down. Determining how you feel about yourself, choosing people as friends that often remind you of this pain, possibly keeping you from finding love.

And, to deal with these emotions, confrontation is key.

You don't want to be a person who is ruled by emotions. The Bible says we walk by faith and not by sight. In other words, we live our lives according to what is in us, not what is around us. And that includes what people say to you, how you have been hurt in the past and your own possible negative thinking as a result of these bad experiences.

You want to be in control of your emotions, not the other way around. And the only way to do this is to confront those demons. Every time you get angry over a co-worker's thoughtless words, hold unforgiveness because of something your spouse did or said, you need to take time to directly confront those emotions that have caused you to respond that way.

And how do you do that? By finding a quiet place. By recalling in your mind exactly what happened to make you feel the way you do. And then going deeper. Focusing in on the moment your feelings took a nosedive. What were you feeling? What did that feeling remind you of? Or, more specifically, who or what incident did that pain recall to your mind?

Pay attention to what your emotions are telling you - no matter how painful it may be. And pain is good in this case, because it will point you directly to what is the true source of your dilemma. If you need to re-think about sexual molestation that took place in your life, acknowledge the source of that pain. Do what you need to do to deal with it and completely exorcise it from your thinking. Pray diligently as you relive those moments. God will definitely be there to comfort you. But it's also okay to seek counseling. Find a good therapist. Or find a wise counselor at church. You don't have to go through this alone. But you definitely have to go through it - if you want to come out a whole, healthy person on the other side.

Cry if you need to - as long as you want. Write letters to that person who hurt you. Tell that person exactly how he or she hurt you. Talk to trusted friends or spiritual advisors. Confront that person in your mind. Have a conversation with him or her and say everything you've always wanted to say. Do whatever you have to do until you have exhausted your anger and pain about it all. And that will be your sign that it is finally over. When you no longer feel pain, anger, frustration or humiliation when you think about that person, those words or those incidents. It is over. Take a deep breath and sigh in relief. You can now completely let it go.

Symbolically release that incident or those words from your psyche. Write letters, hold a healing ceremony or go out to celebrate with your friends. Picture those things being laid to rest in in miniature gravesites or figuratively separating themselves from the heart of your emotions. Whatever seems right to you. It may seem corny or like overkill, but I believe our mind and emotions truly respond to signals that a certain event has passed. That we are free to move on. That a new era has begun in our lives. Yes - negative things happened - and nothing can change that. But those events or words don't have to impact every day of the rest of your life. They don't have the right to steal your joy, disturb your peace or make you feel less than valuable about yourself. Celebrate your freedom.

Negative emotional responses (and their causes) have to go. And it is up to you to have the courage and determination to put them out of your life. It won't be easy and it won't be fast. It may take days, months or years. But you can win this battle if you persevere. And allow God to assist you every step of the way. That's what it's going to take - confrontation, determination, perseverance and God's assistance. And don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. That's what counselors and spiritual advisors are for.

So, confront those emotions that are haunting you in your life. Be brave and be determined as you put all those negative experiences behind you. And experience life the way Jesus promised we all could - abdundantly - as you live your life in a fresh, new and exciting way!

Be Blessed.

Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Emotions, Issues