Part 1
It's Not About You
Life is not all about you. It never has been nor will it ever be. If you were lucky enough to be lavished with attention as a child or the center of your parent's universe, cherish those memories, because that's the last time you will ever feel that way! If you are lucky enough to have a spouse, friend or relative who thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, cherish them, show them your love and appreciation in tangible ways and acknowledge all the goodness they have brought to your life. 99% of the people you meet in life will not think that way, so make sure you value those who do. And, an even better strategy to receiving love is this - instead of waiting for someone to make you the 'love' of his or her life, make someone the 'love' of your life. Shower that person with kindness, gifts or attention. Celebrate that person. Celebrate who they are and what they are all about. If that person likes to shop, remember sales you have seen or pick things up for that person when you're at the mall. If that person loves dolphins, make sure you find a dolphin card, ring or pendant to give them often as gifts. Make a special effort to remember birthdays or other special days in that person's life. This person could be your mother, your best friend, a co-worker, or someone that you see at church. Anybody! And here's an extra bonus - by showing open-ended love to someone else, you open them up to showing that kind of love to someone else. And for that someone else to show that kind of love to someone else. And the love you have shown will continue to grow.
Be A Light
Practice showing kindness to your friends, neighbors and co-workers. Spend the day saying 'Good Morning', 'Good Afternoon' and 'Good Evening' to everyone you see. When you ask someone 'how are you' actually listen to the response. When people send you verbal clues about their interests ('I went fishing this weekend') follow up on that with some other questions. Like, 'Where did you go?', 'What type of fish did you find?', or 'Did you catch anything'? You might, for the first time, find out that your co-worker is a widower and that he spent that weekend alone with his only son. Or that he is a champion fisher and was featured on a local tv program. In any case, it brings you closer to him and, especially in the case of those that are unsaved, it brings them closer to God.
And that is the greatest crime we sometimes commit as Christians - failing to show the un-churched or unsaved the saving love of Jesus Christ! We are many people's only connection to God! If we can't show them what a true relationship with God looks like, where the heck do you think they are going to get that information?
Be a light in your community. Always Remember others in your prayers. Pray for people you know. Pray for our leaders. Pray for your church. Pray for people who work with you. Pray for people who don't know God. Practice random acts of kindness. Say hello and good morning to everyone you meet. Make sure you are smiling when other people are frowning. Show concern and be involved in a life other than your own. Extend yourself beyond the realm of your friends, family and co-workers. Reach out and make a difference in someone else's life. And stop, stop, stop thinking about yourself all the time. Your hair looks fine. Your car looks great. Your weight is unchanged. Your wife and kids are impressive. You are okay. So move on.
And if you can't stop thinking about yourself - let me give you different set of criteria: How is your spiritual life? How is your walk with God? What difference have you made in another person's life? How many people can call you friend or point to something you did for them that changed their lives? How many people have you introduced to God? To how many people have you shown the Love of God? What great thing did you do in your life that benefited others? What great thing have you done today?
Life is not all about you. Make your life about serving God through serving others. The rewards will be great. And this, in the end, will make your life worth living.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/8/06
Self Absoprtion (Part 1)
Part 2
Self Absorbed
I was on my way to write this posting when I got caught up in thinking about what I would say. How would I frame my questions to tickle the reader's mind? Was I capable of displaying enough insight and wisdom to write this article? What would my mother think? Why attempt to do such a tough piece, anyway? Nobody would want to read such a thing, perhaps I should strive for something lighter. Then people would like me more. And that would be nice…..And so on and so forth, my mind chattered away at me.
Self-absorption. It is an ugly thing. Especially when it's you. It's much easier to point the finger at others instead of looking squarely at the content of your own soul. The first paragraph offers a perfect example of self-centered thinking. Who was I thinking about in writing this entry? Was it you, dear reader, struggling to cope with your own personal issues, struggles and trials? Or myself? The answer is clear - it was all about me. This article is designed to serve notice and focus attention on the self-absorbed monster that is alive and living in all of us. It is an acknowledgement of the struggle we each must undergo to leave the 'me' behind in an effort to become part of the larger 'we'. It is also a re-statement of our need to focus on others and not be lured into the all too seductive realm of self.
What Is Self-Absorption?
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary and Thesaurus defines self-absorption simply as 'preoccupation with oneself.' We all do it. How do I look? What do you think of my new ride? What can I do to improve myself? How do I feel about what just happened? That lady got on my nerves so bad. Why doesn't my partner care more about how I feel? When is this service going to be over? - I'm bored. Why is that person shouting so loud? - I can't even focus on service. And on and on.
And the endless beseeching of God to meet our needs: Lord, why do I have to go through so many trials? Don't You still love me? Why is it that people who don't even know You seem to be happier than me? I need a new car, Lord, you promised that You would pour out the riches in heaven, so where is it? Lord, I need a new house, this house is too small for me and the kids. Lord, I need a blessing. You promised me a blessing, and I need it now. Please, Lord, take care of me. Provide for me. Give me. Pay attention to me. Please. Lord, me…me, me, me, me me. Are you listening, Lord?
Signs of Self-Absorption
Self-absorption includes zoning out, daydreaming, being non-communicative, sleeping excessively, eating excessively, retreating into yourself for long periods of time, not returning phone calls, calling because you have a problem, giving only to those who give to you, putting yourself and your needs above everyone else's. All the time. Every day. Day after day after day. Getting what you want out of a relationship. Being demanding. Being passive. Being whatever it takes to get your mate's attention. Having unrealistic and rigid expectations of others. Thinking you are the center of everyone else's universe. Your thoughts, your mind, your friends, your calling, your weight loss plan, your ministry, your pastor, your church, you, you, you and more of you.
Who do you think about when you wake up first thing in the morning? Is it yourself and your needs and wants for that day? When you pray in the morning (if you pray), what do you pray about? Lord, I need or Lord, please help someone else? Lord, provide me with, or Lord, please make provision for us all? Is it me, mine and my own or we, us and ours?
Let's Make A Change!
I can't condemn us for our attitudes, because then I must condemn myself. Instead, I challenge each of us to make a change! Right here! Today! I challenge each us to make our lives about something other than ourselves, our family, our friends and our things. It says in the Bible that even sinners show kindness to those who love them. That's easy! It's much harder to extend ourselves beyond our circle of friends, family and well-wishers. What about showing love to a racist or sexist person who has no love for you? What about showing love to the neighborhood homeless person (you see him every day!)? How about calling someone just to see how they are (and actually meaning it) instead of calling to tell them how you are? How about visiting your grandmother in the nursing home not because of the money you expect to get when she dies, but because she is a human being and deserves to be shown love? Why don't you reach out to that one person at church that nobody likes and say hello or invite him or her to lunch or dinner? Not because it'll make you more popular or well thought of, but because that person needs someone to show him or her that kind of love.
In other words, make your life more about serving other people than about serving yourself. I'm not suggesting that you fail to take care of yourself or that it's wrong to focus attention on yourself on a regular basis, but it is wrong to use all your energies, all the time, in pursuit of your own personal vanity. Choose to focus on other people, on their problems, on their concerns and what you can do, as a Christian, to help to eliminate or lessen those problems, issues and concerns.
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Self Absorbed
I was on my way to write this posting when I got caught up in thinking about what I would say. How would I frame my questions to tickle the reader's mind? Was I capable of displaying enough insight and wisdom to write this article? What would my mother think? Why attempt to do such a tough piece, anyway? Nobody would want to read such a thing, perhaps I should strive for something lighter. Then people would like me more. And that would be nice…..And so on and so forth, my mind chattered away at me.
Self-absorption. It is an ugly thing. Especially when it's you. It's much easier to point the finger at others instead of looking squarely at the content of your own soul. The first paragraph offers a perfect example of self-centered thinking. Who was I thinking about in writing this entry? Was it you, dear reader, struggling to cope with your own personal issues, struggles and trials? Or myself? The answer is clear - it was all about me. This article is designed to serve notice and focus attention on the self-absorbed monster that is alive and living in all of us. It is an acknowledgement of the struggle we each must undergo to leave the 'me' behind in an effort to become part of the larger 'we'. It is also a re-statement of our need to focus on others and not be lured into the all too seductive realm of self.
What Is Self-Absorption?
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary and Thesaurus defines self-absorption simply as 'preoccupation with oneself.' We all do it. How do I look? What do you think of my new ride? What can I do to improve myself? How do I feel about what just happened? That lady got on my nerves so bad. Why doesn't my partner care more about how I feel? When is this service going to be over? - I'm bored. Why is that person shouting so loud? - I can't even focus on service. And on and on.
And the endless beseeching of God to meet our needs: Lord, why do I have to go through so many trials? Don't You still love me? Why is it that people who don't even know You seem to be happier than me? I need a new car, Lord, you promised that You would pour out the riches in heaven, so where is it? Lord, I need a new house, this house is too small for me and the kids. Lord, I need a blessing. You promised me a blessing, and I need it now. Please, Lord, take care of me. Provide for me. Give me. Pay attention to me. Please. Lord, me…me, me, me, me me. Are you listening, Lord?
Signs of Self-Absorption
Self-absorption includes zoning out, daydreaming, being non-communicative, sleeping excessively, eating excessively, retreating into yourself for long periods of time, not returning phone calls, calling because you have a problem, giving only to those who give to you, putting yourself and your needs above everyone else's. All the time. Every day. Day after day after day. Getting what you want out of a relationship. Being demanding. Being passive. Being whatever it takes to get your mate's attention. Having unrealistic and rigid expectations of others. Thinking you are the center of everyone else's universe. Your thoughts, your mind, your friends, your calling, your weight loss plan, your ministry, your pastor, your church, you, you, you and more of you.
Who do you think about when you wake up first thing in the morning? Is it yourself and your needs and wants for that day? When you pray in the morning (if you pray), what do you pray about? Lord, I need or Lord, please help someone else? Lord, provide me with, or Lord, please make provision for us all? Is it me, mine and my own or we, us and ours?
Let's Make A Change!
I can't condemn us for our attitudes, because then I must condemn myself. Instead, I challenge each of us to make a change! Right here! Today! I challenge each us to make our lives about something other than ourselves, our family, our friends and our things. It says in the Bible that even sinners show kindness to those who love them. That's easy! It's much harder to extend ourselves beyond our circle of friends, family and well-wishers. What about showing love to a racist or sexist person who has no love for you? What about showing love to the neighborhood homeless person (you see him every day!)? How about calling someone just to see how they are (and actually meaning it) instead of calling to tell them how you are? How about visiting your grandmother in the nursing home not because of the money you expect to get when she dies, but because she is a human being and deserves to be shown love? Why don't you reach out to that one person at church that nobody likes and say hello or invite him or her to lunch or dinner? Not because it'll make you more popular or well thought of, but because that person needs someone to show him or her that kind of love.
In other words, make your life more about serving other people than about serving yourself. I'm not suggesting that you fail to take care of yourself or that it's wrong to focus attention on yourself on a regular basis, but it is wrong to use all your energies, all the time, in pursuit of your own personal vanity. Choose to focus on other people, on their problems, on their concerns and what you can do, as a Christian, to help to eliminate or lessen those problems, issues and concerns.
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/5/06
Find Your Own True Happiness! (Part 7)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Part 6: Happiness - Putting it all Together
Do what you need to do in order to get some insight into yourself. Go into therapy if you need to. Take long walks and meditate on it and talk to God. Find a trusted friend and talk to him or her. Spend a week alone somewhere by yourself. It's okay, your life will be right there waiting for you when you get back. Whatever you need to do to get down to the nitty-gritty, root issues haunting you life, just do it! It's more important that you take time to get yourself to know yourself now than anything else in your life (after, of course, committing yourself to God!). You can't help anyone if you haven't helped yourself. Look at all the areas in your life that you need to fix or change and make those changes happen! Position yourself to be in the job, city or calling for which you are suited and which most pleases your inner desires. And enjoy those things. And then 'happiness' will come. Just when you stop looking for it. Trust me.
Last of all, remember to enjoy the little things. The sun is shining! The snow is falling! You still have two limbs upon which to walk! You have a great wheelchair with all the bells and whistles! You still have your mind! You still have most of your mind! You still have friends! You have one good friend! You have yourself! You are still alive and able to take advantage of the multitude of opportunities that life has to offer! Think on these things. The bible says 'whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4)' And the God of peace will be with you.
And, as hard as it may seem sometimes, think about something positive instead of automatically thinking something negative. When your mind says, 'I hate this job', think, 'Thank God that I have a job to complain about.' When your mind says, 'I wish I was driving a Mercedes SL 500', think, 'I'm so grateful my car takes me where I need to go'. And enjoy your life, in each small, individual segment. Life is not all about the big, grandiose moments (those are few and far between). Life is about getting up in the morning and combing your hair and saying hello to your neighbors and putting oil in your car and getting caught in traffic and shopping for clothing. Life is right here and right now. And it happens every single day, every single minute, every single second. Take advantage of it. Enjoy it. Because you will never, ever get an opportunity to appreciate that moment again.
True happiness comes from within. You will not find it in a job, a man or woman, your mother or father or your children. It is not waiting for you when you lose 10 pounds, or move to Florida or are earning a million plus dollars. It is right now, right here, inside of you, waiting for you to discover it. It cannot be earned, it cannot be taken away, it simply is. Open yourself up to it and to the power of God and it will be yours today!
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Happiness
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Part 6: Happiness - Putting it all Together
Do what you need to do in order to get some insight into yourself. Go into therapy if you need to. Take long walks and meditate on it and talk to God. Find a trusted friend and talk to him or her. Spend a week alone somewhere by yourself. It's okay, your life will be right there waiting for you when you get back. Whatever you need to do to get down to the nitty-gritty, root issues haunting you life, just do it! It's more important that you take time to get yourself to know yourself now than anything else in your life (after, of course, committing yourself to God!). You can't help anyone if you haven't helped yourself. Look at all the areas in your life that you need to fix or change and make those changes happen! Position yourself to be in the job, city or calling for which you are suited and which most pleases your inner desires. And enjoy those things. And then 'happiness' will come. Just when you stop looking for it. Trust me.
Last of all, remember to enjoy the little things. The sun is shining! The snow is falling! You still have two limbs upon which to walk! You have a great wheelchair with all the bells and whistles! You still have your mind! You still have most of your mind! You still have friends! You have one good friend! You have yourself! You are still alive and able to take advantage of the multitude of opportunities that life has to offer! Think on these things. The bible says 'whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4)' And the God of peace will be with you.
And, as hard as it may seem sometimes, think about something positive instead of automatically thinking something negative. When your mind says, 'I hate this job', think, 'Thank God that I have a job to complain about.' When your mind says, 'I wish I was driving a Mercedes SL 500', think, 'I'm so grateful my car takes me where I need to go'. And enjoy your life, in each small, individual segment. Life is not all about the big, grandiose moments (those are few and far between). Life is about getting up in the morning and combing your hair and saying hello to your neighbors and putting oil in your car and getting caught in traffic and shopping for clothing. Life is right here and right now. And it happens every single day, every single minute, every single second. Take advantage of it. Enjoy it. Because you will never, ever get an opportunity to appreciate that moment again.
True happiness comes from within. You will not find it in a job, a man or woman, your mother or father or your children. It is not waiting for you when you lose 10 pounds, or move to Florida or are earning a million plus dollars. It is right now, right here, inside of you, waiting for you to discover it. It cannot be earned, it cannot be taken away, it simply is. Open yourself up to it and to the power of God and it will be yours today!
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Happiness
Happiness - Putting it all Together (Part 6)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Now, let's go back to our first two exercises. In the first one, you thought about all the activities you are involved in. Think again about the ones you dread, hate or are just plain tired of. List them in your mind. Now - eliminate them. Don't feel guilty - it's time for a change! Console yourself with the realization that you were not doing a good job anyway. Everyone could tell how much you hated it (trust me) and all you probably did was bring everybody else down as well as yourself. You are doing them a favor by becoming uninvolved. Now, recall those things you actually enjoy. Got 'em in your mind? Okay - do them. Then find more ways to use those things to help other people. Enjoy singing? Continue singing in the church choir and maybe at a senior citizen's home or in more state or national conventions. Bless others with your gift. Enjoy writing? Continue writing for yourself, but branch out to write positive and uplifting letters to others or write uplifting poems, plays or skits that will help other people feel better about themselves or their lives. Enjoy riding a bike? Find other people who are not as skilled as you and bring them along. Start a bike riding club and reach out to people who are lonely or are trying to lose weight, or, anyone! Keep doing what you enjoy for yourself, but make sure you reach out to include other people in those activities as well. Focusing on helping others increases your own happiness exponentially! Even if you can't help everyone, you can certainly reach out to at least one person.
Next, let's revisit the second exercise, where you thought about what happiness meant to you. What came to mind when you visualized 'happiness'? A better car, a brand-new house, or a new (or better-acting!) spouse? A dream vacation or job? Intangibles, like greater faith, greater hope, more trust in God? I hope that a better relationship with God and greater spiritual growth were items on that list, because everything else will only bring you temporary satisfaction. Let me tell you a hard-won truth - having a lot of money, a good man or woman, a great job or a brand new car are not the keys to happiness. Those things are great, but they are not 'it'. Simple truth - if you are not happy with yourself and who you are right now, no thing and no person will bring you that satisfaction. Studies have shown that once a person reaches a financial level where all basic needs are met, satisfaction only increases incrementally. But you already know this. Think back to when you started your first job. You're probably living much better now than then - you've bought or are renting a nice place, you have more than two suits to your name, you have a few 'toys', and you've traveled to a few exotic places. But you're not any happier than you were then (unless you've built a relationship with God). And none of these 'things' has had the power to give you more than a very temporary satisfaction. You need to be happy with yourself. First. And that will translate to greater satisfaction with your friends, your family, your job and your chosen profession.
So - now you get a chance to work on yourself! Since you have to fix yourself first in order to attain true happiness, take time now and do it. Find out what that gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, your bad attitude, your longing to 'get away from it all' is really all about. Did you have a tough childhood and need to deal with some unresolved anger or pain? Are you still angry at your dad for abandoning your family when you were little? Do you feel dissatisfied because you never finished college or are stuck in a low-paying, unfulfilling job? Did you settle for being a lawyer, when you really wanted to be an entrepreneurial wizard? Who are you living your life trying to please? You or all the people around you who have so much to say about what you choose to do? Focus on yourself. Figure out what you really need to feel a deep-seated sense of satisfaction in your life. Focus on those things that you can change. Re-evaluate your life in terms of what's important to you. Pray about it. In the Bible, it says to 'delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart (Psalms 37:4)' That means that not only will He give you what you desire, He will place His own desires in your heart. He will give you those desires that most please Him. Trust me. If you ask Him, He will.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Now, let's go back to our first two exercises. In the first one, you thought about all the activities you are involved in. Think again about the ones you dread, hate or are just plain tired of. List them in your mind. Now - eliminate them. Don't feel guilty - it's time for a change! Console yourself with the realization that you were not doing a good job anyway. Everyone could tell how much you hated it (trust me) and all you probably did was bring everybody else down as well as yourself. You are doing them a favor by becoming uninvolved. Now, recall those things you actually enjoy. Got 'em in your mind? Okay - do them. Then find more ways to use those things to help other people. Enjoy singing? Continue singing in the church choir and maybe at a senior citizen's home or in more state or national conventions. Bless others with your gift. Enjoy writing? Continue writing for yourself, but branch out to write positive and uplifting letters to others or write uplifting poems, plays or skits that will help other people feel better about themselves or their lives. Enjoy riding a bike? Find other people who are not as skilled as you and bring them along. Start a bike riding club and reach out to people who are lonely or are trying to lose weight, or, anyone! Keep doing what you enjoy for yourself, but make sure you reach out to include other people in those activities as well. Focusing on helping others increases your own happiness exponentially! Even if you can't help everyone, you can certainly reach out to at least one person.
Next, let's revisit the second exercise, where you thought about what happiness meant to you. What came to mind when you visualized 'happiness'? A better car, a brand-new house, or a new (or better-acting!) spouse? A dream vacation or job? Intangibles, like greater faith, greater hope, more trust in God? I hope that a better relationship with God and greater spiritual growth were items on that list, because everything else will only bring you temporary satisfaction. Let me tell you a hard-won truth - having a lot of money, a good man or woman, a great job or a brand new car are not the keys to happiness. Those things are great, but they are not 'it'. Simple truth - if you are not happy with yourself and who you are right now, no thing and no person will bring you that satisfaction. Studies have shown that once a person reaches a financial level where all basic needs are met, satisfaction only increases incrementally. But you already know this. Think back to when you started your first job. You're probably living much better now than then - you've bought or are renting a nice place, you have more than two suits to your name, you have a few 'toys', and you've traveled to a few exotic places. But you're not any happier than you were then (unless you've built a relationship with God). And none of these 'things' has had the power to give you more than a very temporary satisfaction. You need to be happy with yourself. First. And that will translate to greater satisfaction with your friends, your family, your job and your chosen profession.
So - now you get a chance to work on yourself! Since you have to fix yourself first in order to attain true happiness, take time now and do it. Find out what that gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, your bad attitude, your longing to 'get away from it all' is really all about. Did you have a tough childhood and need to deal with some unresolved anger or pain? Are you still angry at your dad for abandoning your family when you were little? Do you feel dissatisfied because you never finished college or are stuck in a low-paying, unfulfilling job? Did you settle for being a lawyer, when you really wanted to be an entrepreneurial wizard? Who are you living your life trying to please? You or all the people around you who have so much to say about what you choose to do? Focus on yourself. Figure out what you really need to feel a deep-seated sense of satisfaction in your life. Focus on those things that you can change. Re-evaluate your life in terms of what's important to you. Pray about it. In the Bible, it says to 'delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart (Psalms 37:4)' That means that not only will He give you what you desire, He will place His own desires in your heart. He will give you those desires that most please Him. Trust me. If you ask Him, He will.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/3/06
True Happiness (Part 5)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
And that is the first real clue to happiness. Frances found happiness for herself. True happiness comes from within. Within yourself, within the context of having a relationship with God. With having a busy, active and fulfilling life. With the value and care you give to the 'little' things as well as the big life events. The Bible tells us that a person is happy when he or she reads the bible and meditates on the Word 'day and night.' That does not mean reading a scripture a day, a chapter a day or a book a day. Yes, it means to read the Bible, but, more importantly, it means to know the Bible. It means to become intimately familiar with it, think often about what you have read and then apply it your own life.
It's not enough to know that you are to be 'anxious for nothing' and to 'let your requests be made known unto God' and the 'peace of God…shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil 4)' - you have to actually do it! In other words, don't worry, give your cares over to God and allow His peace to settle down upon you! It's not enough to hear Jesus invite us to 'abide' in him and him in us (John 15) - you actually have to do it. Further down in this same scripture, Jesus reminds us that 'without me ye can do nothing.' That seems pretty clear to me - Without him, we can do nothing! So, first things first - nurture your relationship with God and it will nurture you.
The second step is to enjoy the comfort and love that God has provided and stop relying so much on other people to provide it to you. Yes, it would be nice if your kids appreciated all that you had done for them or your husband or wife would say "thank you" for working so hard or cooking such great meals or your boss would acknowledge all the extra hours you put in at work, but how likely is that? Yes, you do a lot for other people and it would be nice to be acknowledged, but you can't depend on that acknowledgement. True acknowledgement, validation, comfort and security come from within. We've already taken the most important step and become connected with God and He is right there, in us, ready and waiting and able to give is what we need to sustain ourselves, find inspiration, lead and guide us and love us unconditionally.
Do you ever think about how much time you spend expecting, demanding or being disappointed in the quality of love you receive from other people? Many times, you are expecting things from people who are not even capable of giving you what you need. A father who will not, cannot, commit his time to his children. Friends who do not or cannot take the time to listen to your problems (even after they spend hours telling you theirs). Children who are more concerned about impressing their friends than expressing gratitude for the meals you have provided or the love, care and concern you have invested in them over the years. Most people are so caught up in their own cares, their own problems, their own lives and do not, and in many cases cannot, show you the type of love you so desperately need.
The solution is simple: Stop depending on others for what you already have within yourself. Tap into what God has already given you and use that Love to give love to others. Turn that dynamic around - instead of expecting love or attention from other people, give it to other people. You will find two things happening as a result of this: 1) You will be sustained from an Eternal and Never-Ending Source and will not be so needy yourself; and 2) you will automatically receive love and care from other people as you give love out freely. You get what you give (you reap what you sow) and if all you've given people are a list of expectations and obligations, then that's what you're going to get back. Receive love from God. Love yourself. Give love to others. Receive love. That's how it ought to work. So give it a try.
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice, Happiness
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
And that is the first real clue to happiness. Frances found happiness for herself. True happiness comes from within. Within yourself, within the context of having a relationship with God. With having a busy, active and fulfilling life. With the value and care you give to the 'little' things as well as the big life events. The Bible tells us that a person is happy when he or she reads the bible and meditates on the Word 'day and night.' That does not mean reading a scripture a day, a chapter a day or a book a day. Yes, it means to read the Bible, but, more importantly, it means to know the Bible. It means to become intimately familiar with it, think often about what you have read and then apply it your own life.
It's not enough to know that you are to be 'anxious for nothing' and to 'let your requests be made known unto God' and the 'peace of God…shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil 4)' - you have to actually do it! In other words, don't worry, give your cares over to God and allow His peace to settle down upon you! It's not enough to hear Jesus invite us to 'abide' in him and him in us (John 15) - you actually have to do it. Further down in this same scripture, Jesus reminds us that 'without me ye can do nothing.' That seems pretty clear to me - Without him, we can do nothing! So, first things first - nurture your relationship with God and it will nurture you.
The second step is to enjoy the comfort and love that God has provided and stop relying so much on other people to provide it to you. Yes, it would be nice if your kids appreciated all that you had done for them or your husband or wife would say "thank you" for working so hard or cooking such great meals or your boss would acknowledge all the extra hours you put in at work, but how likely is that? Yes, you do a lot for other people and it would be nice to be acknowledged, but you can't depend on that acknowledgement. True acknowledgement, validation, comfort and security come from within. We've already taken the most important step and become connected with God and He is right there, in us, ready and waiting and able to give is what we need to sustain ourselves, find inspiration, lead and guide us and love us unconditionally.
Do you ever think about how much time you spend expecting, demanding or being disappointed in the quality of love you receive from other people? Many times, you are expecting things from people who are not even capable of giving you what you need. A father who will not, cannot, commit his time to his children. Friends who do not or cannot take the time to listen to your problems (even after they spend hours telling you theirs). Children who are more concerned about impressing their friends than expressing gratitude for the meals you have provided or the love, care and concern you have invested in them over the years. Most people are so caught up in their own cares, their own problems, their own lives and do not, and in many cases cannot, show you the type of love you so desperately need.
The solution is simple: Stop depending on others for what you already have within yourself. Tap into what God has already given you and use that Love to give love to others. Turn that dynamic around - instead of expecting love or attention from other people, give it to other people. You will find two things happening as a result of this: 1) You will be sustained from an Eternal and Never-Ending Source and will not be so needy yourself; and 2) you will automatically receive love and care from other people as you give love out freely. You get what you give (you reap what you sow) and if all you've given people are a list of expectations and obligations, then that's what you're going to get back. Receive love from God. Love yourself. Give love to others. Receive love. That's how it ought to work. So give it a try.
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice, Happiness
Journey To Happiness (Part 4)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
There is a great movie that came out that I would recommend to anyone seeking to discover true happiness. It is 'Under the Tuscan Sun' and it stars Diane Lane as Frances, a newly-divorced, shell-shocked woman trying to find herself. In the movie, Frances goes through a painful divorce, precipitated by her husband leaving her for another woman. She is distraught and upset and decides to 'get away from it all' by going on a trip to Italy. While on this trip, she comes across a lovely old home for sale in Tuscany. It is a charming house, though somewhat in a state of disrepair and, out of boredom, she decides to venture into the house and take a look around. As she looks around, something about the house simply charms her and she makes an offer for it right on the spot.
After a bit of back and forth with the owner, the house is hers! With all its attendant problems, repairs to be done and lack of adequate facilities. But it's hers. Her friends think she's crazy, she even doubts her own sanity at times, but she perseveres. She hires contractors to fix up the house and begins to make the house and village her own. She makes friends with the neighbors, pours boatloads of money into the endless repairs the house needs and even bravely embarks on a romance with a gentleman she meets on a whim. To make a long story short, her romance is cut (very) short and she is left heartbroken. She then begins to focus her life on helping a pregnant friend that has come to stay with her and facilitating a romance between one of her repairmen and the neighbor's daughter. At the end of the movie, while looking around at her friends and neighbors that have gathered for the wedding at her home, her eyes are finally opened to the meaning of 'true' happiness. She sees the laughter and love and family she has built for herself. Without a husband and without her own children. And she finally realizes that she already has all she ever wanted. Only then, in the last frames of the movie, does she meet the man of her dreams and presumably goes on to live happily ever after. Only after she had already found happiness for herself.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
There is a great movie that came out that I would recommend to anyone seeking to discover true happiness. It is 'Under the Tuscan Sun' and it stars Diane Lane as Frances, a newly-divorced, shell-shocked woman trying to find herself. In the movie, Frances goes through a painful divorce, precipitated by her husband leaving her for another woman. She is distraught and upset and decides to 'get away from it all' by going on a trip to Italy. While on this trip, she comes across a lovely old home for sale in Tuscany. It is a charming house, though somewhat in a state of disrepair and, out of boredom, she decides to venture into the house and take a look around. As she looks around, something about the house simply charms her and she makes an offer for it right on the spot.
After a bit of back and forth with the owner, the house is hers! With all its attendant problems, repairs to be done and lack of adequate facilities. But it's hers. Her friends think she's crazy, she even doubts her own sanity at times, but she perseveres. She hires contractors to fix up the house and begins to make the house and village her own. She makes friends with the neighbors, pours boatloads of money into the endless repairs the house needs and even bravely embarks on a romance with a gentleman she meets on a whim. To make a long story short, her romance is cut (very) short and she is left heartbroken. She then begins to focus her life on helping a pregnant friend that has come to stay with her and facilitating a romance between one of her repairmen and the neighbor's daughter. At the end of the movie, while looking around at her friends and neighbors that have gathered for the wedding at her home, her eyes are finally opened to the meaning of 'true' happiness. She sees the laughter and love and family she has built for herself. Without a husband and without her own children. And she finally realizes that she already has all she ever wanted. Only then, in the last frames of the movie, does she meet the man of her dreams and presumably goes on to live happily ever after. Only after she had already found happiness for herself.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/2/06
Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy? (Part 3)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Until the day that I really needed it. That day comes for us all. You grow up in church or you're a latecomer to the whole religious experience (like I was). You go on Sundays, some Wednesdays for Bible Study and some Sunday School classes when you're feeling especially 'religious' and you learn what you can. You shout a little, find yourself yawning or zoning out from time to time and think to yourself, 'boy, that preacher sure can preach!' You tell everyone what a great time you had 'in the Lord' and how your church was jumping this past Sunday. You remember some parts of the sermons, but the main parts sometimes seem to escape your attention. You do a little bible study, memorize a few scriptures, repeat them in conversations, pray every now and then and feel that you are living the true 'Christian 'experience.'
Until the day comes when you find your shallow delight in the things of the Lord aren't enough to get you through the deep waters of your problems. When someone dies or leaves you or your friends, family or co-workers stab you in the back. When you discover your preacher wasn't all he or she said he or she was, when your eyes are opened to the seemingly random violence or cruelty in the world. When all you wanted was just to be 'happy' and now it seems impossible to even be 'okay'. When the God who is supposed to be 'more than enough' now seems to be not enough to get you through this day.
So you read a few more scriptures, go through a few more life experiences, cry a little, pray a little more and finally make a real connection to the Word of God. You begin to understand that what the Bible is talking about is real life, in the early century (then) as well as the 21st century (now). You trade in your King James Version for a New International Version so that you can actually understand what is being said and you are good to go. And still you ponder the meaning of happiness.
'Okay, Lord', you say to Him in your prayers, 'I'm not taking advice from heathens, I don't do all the same things I used to do and I don't make fun of other people (too badly). I read the bible more than I used to and I am getting some really good advice for living from it. But.' And here you pause. 'I'm still not 'happy'. And my life is still filled with problems. My kids aren't acting right, my husband or wife refuses to take an equal role of responsibility in this relationship, the bills are getting behind and that dream house, dream car or dream job seems like it will always stay right where it is - in the dream world.' In other words, you are asking, 'When do I get to just be....happy'?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Until the day that I really needed it. That day comes for us all. You grow up in church or you're a latecomer to the whole religious experience (like I was). You go on Sundays, some Wednesdays for Bible Study and some Sunday School classes when you're feeling especially 'religious' and you learn what you can. You shout a little, find yourself yawning or zoning out from time to time and think to yourself, 'boy, that preacher sure can preach!' You tell everyone what a great time you had 'in the Lord' and how your church was jumping this past Sunday. You remember some parts of the sermons, but the main parts sometimes seem to escape your attention. You do a little bible study, memorize a few scriptures, repeat them in conversations, pray every now and then and feel that you are living the true 'Christian 'experience.'
Until the day comes when you find your shallow delight in the things of the Lord aren't enough to get you through the deep waters of your problems. When someone dies or leaves you or your friends, family or co-workers stab you in the back. When you discover your preacher wasn't all he or she said he or she was, when your eyes are opened to the seemingly random violence or cruelty in the world. When all you wanted was just to be 'happy' and now it seems impossible to even be 'okay'. When the God who is supposed to be 'more than enough' now seems to be not enough to get you through this day.
So you read a few more scriptures, go through a few more life experiences, cry a little, pray a little more and finally make a real connection to the Word of God. You begin to understand that what the Bible is talking about is real life, in the early century (then) as well as the 21st century (now). You trade in your King James Version for a New International Version so that you can actually understand what is being said and you are good to go. And still you ponder the meaning of happiness.
'Okay, Lord', you say to Him in your prayers, 'I'm not taking advice from heathens, I don't do all the same things I used to do and I don't make fun of other people (too badly). I read the bible more than I used to and I am getting some really good advice for living from it. But.' And here you pause. 'I'm still not 'happy'. And my life is still filled with problems. My kids aren't acting right, my husband or wife refuses to take an equal role of responsibility in this relationship, the bills are getting behind and that dream house, dream car or dream job seems like it will always stay right where it is - in the dream world.' In other words, you are asking, 'When do I get to just be....happy'?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/1/06
What is Happiness? (Part 2)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
First, we need to see what we believe about happiness. Many of us, unconsciously or consciously, don't believe we even have a right to be happy. Our mouths say one thing while our actions say another. We will say, "I just want to be happy," and then we'll stuff ourselves with fast food, choose some man or woman who doesn't care a lick about us, stay in an unfulfilling job, drop out of college, inject drugs or alcohol into our systems or wait to move out of our apartment one step ahead of the landlord kicking us out. And we ponder why we can't find 'true' happiness. My point is this - first you need to check yourself out. Try this exercise. First, think about how you are living your life. What habits, hobbies or patterns of behavior make up your life? Are they contributing to your happiness or are they taking away from it? Here is a sure way to tell - while you are doing an activity or fulfilling some obligation - how do you feel? Are you filled with excitement, anticipation and or a sense of contentment? Or do you feel dread, dismay and do everything possible to put it off, delay it or cancel it entirely? Do you call or make plans to make that activity happen or do you hide from the phone and wish that they would forget you ever joined that committee, group or exercise club? Now do this mental evaluation for every activity in which you are a part. Good. How many of those activities contribute to your happiness and how many of those activities take away from it? Make a note of those things. Now let's move on.
Now, try this exercise (this is to find out what happiness means to you). When you think of happiness, what comes to your mind? Does it mean sunny days, well-behaved children, a responsive spouse, or success in your chosen career? A shiny new car? A walk down the aisle to receive a college degree? The bright lights and acclaim of a Broadway career? Winning the 100 meter dash at the Olympics? When you think of your own personal happiness, what image comes to mind? Now, hold on to that thought. Let's go on to see what the Bible says about happiness.
The Bible's definition of happiness is simple. In Psalms 1:1-2, it says 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' Okay, modern-day translation: Blessed means 'happy', so, good, the bible is going to tell us how to be happy. 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly' - that means you are happy when you don't take the advice of those who do not know God. 'Nor standeth in the way of sinners' - you don't do the things that sinners do. 'Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful' - you don't mock or make fun of others. That's pretty easy, right? Don't take the advice of the ungodly, don't do the things that sinners do, and don't mock or make fun of others. A nice list of don'ts. But then the Bible tells you what to do to bring happiness to your life - 'But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' So, we need to read the bible, and take delight in it. And read it 'day and night' - in other words, all the time.
Now, if you're anything like me, this admonition always seemed to be pretty tough. Not only tough, but darned near impossible. Reading the bible was great, I always thought, but all the time? And take delight in it? Please. The Bible always seemed to be more a list of rules and regulations than anything that I would read for pleasure. Reading for pleasure to me meant a good romance novel, the latest edition of People or Essence or whatever new self-help book was out. But, the Bible? Come on. For one thing, it was written in some ancient, moldy language that no one could understand. And, it wasn't very relevant to what was going on right now, right here in my life, today. No 'thou shalts' or 'goeth hithers' was going to tell me what to do when my boyfriend started trippin' or my mom got on my nerves or when I wanted to curse out my boss at work. The Bible seemed to be outdated, preachy and out of touch, to say the least. That is, until the day you really need it....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
First, we need to see what we believe about happiness. Many of us, unconsciously or consciously, don't believe we even have a right to be happy. Our mouths say one thing while our actions say another. We will say, "I just want to be happy," and then we'll stuff ourselves with fast food, choose some man or woman who doesn't care a lick about us, stay in an unfulfilling job, drop out of college, inject drugs or alcohol into our systems or wait to move out of our apartment one step ahead of the landlord kicking us out. And we ponder why we can't find 'true' happiness. My point is this - first you need to check yourself out. Try this exercise. First, think about how you are living your life. What habits, hobbies or patterns of behavior make up your life? Are they contributing to your happiness or are they taking away from it? Here is a sure way to tell - while you are doing an activity or fulfilling some obligation - how do you feel? Are you filled with excitement, anticipation and or a sense of contentment? Or do you feel dread, dismay and do everything possible to put it off, delay it or cancel it entirely? Do you call or make plans to make that activity happen or do you hide from the phone and wish that they would forget you ever joined that committee, group or exercise club? Now do this mental evaluation for every activity in which you are a part. Good. How many of those activities contribute to your happiness and how many of those activities take away from it? Make a note of those things. Now let's move on.
Now, try this exercise (this is to find out what happiness means to you). When you think of happiness, what comes to your mind? Does it mean sunny days, well-behaved children, a responsive spouse, or success in your chosen career? A shiny new car? A walk down the aisle to receive a college degree? The bright lights and acclaim of a Broadway career? Winning the 100 meter dash at the Olympics? When you think of your own personal happiness, what image comes to mind? Now, hold on to that thought. Let's go on to see what the Bible says about happiness.
The Bible's definition of happiness is simple. In Psalms 1:1-2, it says 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' Okay, modern-day translation: Blessed means 'happy', so, good, the bible is going to tell us how to be happy. 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly' - that means you are happy when you don't take the advice of those who do not know God. 'Nor standeth in the way of sinners' - you don't do the things that sinners do. 'Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful' - you don't mock or make fun of others. That's pretty easy, right? Don't take the advice of the ungodly, don't do the things that sinners do, and don't mock or make fun of others. A nice list of don'ts. But then the Bible tells you what to do to bring happiness to your life - 'But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' So, we need to read the bible, and take delight in it. And read it 'day and night' - in other words, all the time.
Now, if you're anything like me, this admonition always seemed to be pretty tough. Not only tough, but darned near impossible. Reading the bible was great, I always thought, but all the time? And take delight in it? Please. The Bible always seemed to be more a list of rules and regulations than anything that I would read for pleasure. Reading for pleasure to me meant a good romance novel, the latest edition of People or Essence or whatever new self-help book was out. But, the Bible? Come on. For one thing, it was written in some ancient, moldy language that no one could understand. And, it wasn't very relevant to what was going on right now, right here in my life, today. No 'thou shalts' or 'goeth hithers' was going to tell me what to do when my boyfriend started trippin' or my mom got on my nerves or when I wanted to curse out my boss at work. The Bible seemed to be outdated, preachy and out of touch, to say the least. That is, until the day you really need it....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
How Can You Find Happiness? (Part 1)
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
I want to kick off this blog with one of my favorite topics - Can you really find true happiness? It's something I'm sure you've thought about for years - and spent many of those years pursuing. How can you find it for yourself? Read on:
What is the source of true happiness? Is it all just a myth? What does the Bible have to say about it? Shouldn't we pursue God and service to Him instead of trying to meet our own selfish needs?
Life is tough, right? And, if you've been a Christian for any length of time, you have made the great and wondrous discovery that being a Christian does not mean your problems are fewer. As a matter of fact, you probably have more problems now than when you were 'unsaved' or 'living in the world'! And, yes, we've all heard the admonitions that Satan is out to get us and he is out to attack us now that we have declared our allegiance to God in this war of the spirits. Yes, we know that trials come to make us stronger and greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world and yes, we are the head and not the tail and more than a conqueror to Him that loves us. We can all quote those scriptures, sing those songs and shout a good hallelujah on them during church services.
But, really, doesn't some small corner of your mind sometimes whisper to you, late at night, just when you're trying to sleep and don't have a million and one other distractions going on - 'Is this all there is? Is this what life is really about? Is all of life meant to be a trial, a test, a learning experience? Must I grow every day? When, oh, when do I just get to be………happy?'
So, the first question we must ask ourselves is: What is Happiness?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
I want to kick off this blog with one of my favorite topics - Can you really find true happiness? It's something I'm sure you've thought about for years - and spent many of those years pursuing. How can you find it for yourself? Read on:
What is the source of true happiness? Is it all just a myth? What does the Bible have to say about it? Shouldn't we pursue God and service to Him instead of trying to meet our own selfish needs?
Life is tough, right? And, if you've been a Christian for any length of time, you have made the great and wondrous discovery that being a Christian does not mean your problems are fewer. As a matter of fact, you probably have more problems now than when you were 'unsaved' or 'living in the world'! And, yes, we've all heard the admonitions that Satan is out to get us and he is out to attack us now that we have declared our allegiance to God in this war of the spirits. Yes, we know that trials come to make us stronger and greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world and yes, we are the head and not the tail and more than a conqueror to Him that loves us. We can all quote those scriptures, sing those songs and shout a good hallelujah on them during church services.
But, really, doesn't some small corner of your mind sometimes whisper to you, late at night, just when you're trying to sleep and don't have a million and one other distractions going on - 'Is this all there is? Is this what life is really about? Is all of life meant to be a trial, a test, a learning experience? Must I grow every day? When, oh, when do I just get to be………happy?'
So, the first question we must ask ourselves is: What is Happiness?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Hello Everyone
Hello - and thank you for visiting! I already have a home website, Urban Christianz Ministries, and another blog, One Black Christian Woman's Perspective, but I wanted to start this blog to showcase the links between Psychology and Christianity. This is because, as a student of Psychology, I noticed that so many of the same principles could be found in the Bible. That whole positivity movement? Covered by Paul's admonition to think of good things in Ephesians. Changing your mindset? Covered by the injunction to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The Bible is filled with so much good advice and we often overlook it in our quest to make it through our normal, every day, hectic, stress-filled lives. We often think of reading the Bble as a burden, not realizing that the keys to so many of our problems can be found in the stories, admonitions, advice and commandments contained within its covers.
I want to help you to find all the ways the Bible can help you in your every day life. How you can deal with stress. How to find peace. How to find comfort and love. Where strength comes from. How to become God-sufficient (instead of self-sufficient). And how the Bible can help you to overcome such things as depression, loneliness, isolation and emotional pain. So, stick around, comment and let me know what you think and come back often as the journey begins to a healthier, more positive, Christ-centered life!
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
I want to help you to find all the ways the Bible can help you in your every day life. How you can deal with stress. How to find peace. How to find comfort and love. Where strength comes from. How to become God-sufficient (instead of self-sufficient). And how the Bible can help you to overcome such things as depression, loneliness, isolation and emotional pain. So, stick around, comment and let me know what you think and come back often as the journey begins to a healthier, more positive, Christ-centered life!
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
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