5/8/06

Self Absoprtion (Part 1)

Part 2

Self Absorbed

I was on my way to write this posting when I got caught up in thinking about what I would say. How would I frame my questions to tickle the reader's mind? Was I capable of displaying enough insight and wisdom to write this article? What would my mother think? Why attempt to do such a tough piece, anyway? Nobody would want to read such a thing, perhaps I should strive for something lighter. Then people would like me more. And that would be nice…..And so on and so forth, my mind chattered away at me.

Self-absorption. It is an ugly thing. Especially when it's you. It's much easier to point the finger at others instead of looking squarely at the content of your own soul. The first paragraph offers a perfect example of self-centered thinking. Who was I thinking about in writing this entry? Was it you, dear reader, struggling to cope with your own personal issues, struggles and trials? Or myself? The answer is clear - it was all about me. This article is designed to serve notice and focus attention on the self-absorbed monster that is alive and living in all of us. It is an acknowledgement of the struggle we each must undergo to leave the 'me' behind in an effort to become part of the larger 'we'. It is also a re-statement of our need to focus on others and not be lured into the all too seductive realm of self.

What Is Self-Absorption?

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary and Thesaurus defines self-absorption simply as 'preoccupation with oneself.' We all do it. How do I look? What do you think of my new ride? What can I do to improve myself? How do I feel about what just happened? That lady got on my nerves so bad. Why doesn't my partner care more about how I feel? When is this service going to be over? - I'm bored. Why is that person shouting so loud? - I can't even focus on service. And on and on.

And the endless beseeching of God to meet our needs: Lord, why do I have to go through so many trials? Don't You still love me? Why is it that people who don't even know You seem to be happier than me? I need a new car, Lord, you promised that You would pour out the riches in heaven, so where is it? Lord, I need a new house, this house is too small for me and the kids. Lord, I need a blessing. You promised me a blessing, and I need it now. Please, Lord, take care of me. Provide for me. Give me. Pay attention to me. Please. Lord, me…me, me, me, me me. Are you listening, Lord?

Signs of Self-Absorption

Self-absorption includes zoning out, daydreaming, being non-communicative, sleeping excessively, eating excessively, retreating into yourself for long periods of time, not returning phone calls, calling because you have a problem, giving only to those who give to you, putting yourself and your needs above everyone else's. All the time. Every day. Day after day after day. Getting what you want out of a relationship. Being demanding. Being passive. Being whatever it takes to get your mate's attention. Having unrealistic and rigid expectations of others. Thinking you are the center of everyone else's universe. Your thoughts, your mind, your friends, your calling, your weight loss plan, your ministry, your pastor, your church, you, you, you and more of you.

Who do you think about when you wake up first thing in the morning? Is it yourself and your needs and wants for that day? When you pray in the morning (if you pray), what do you pray about? Lord, I need or Lord, please help someone else? Lord, provide me with, or Lord, please make provision for us all? Is it me, mine and my own or we, us and ours?

Let's Make A Change!

I can't condemn us for our attitudes, because then I must condemn myself. Instead, I challenge each of us to make a change! Right here! Today! I challenge each us to make our lives about something other than ourselves, our family, our friends and our things. It says in the Bible that even sinners show kindness to those who love them. That's easy! It's much harder to extend ourselves beyond our circle of friends, family and well-wishers. What about showing love to a racist or sexist person who has no love for you? What about showing love to the neighborhood homeless person (you see him every day!)? How about calling someone just to see how they are (and actually meaning it) instead of calling to tell them how you are? How about visiting your grandmother in the nursing home not because of the money you expect to get when she dies, but because she is a human being and deserves to be shown love? Why don't you reach out to that one person at church that nobody likes and say hello or invite him or her to lunch or dinner? Not because it'll make you more popular or well thought of, but because that person needs someone to show him or her that kind of love.

In other words, make your life more about serving other people than about serving yourself. I'm not suggesting that you fail to take care of yourself or that it's wrong to focus attention on yourself on a regular basis, but it is wrong to use all your energies, all the time, in pursuit of your own personal vanity. Choose to focus on other people, on their problems, on their concerns and what you can do, as a Christian, to help to eliminate or lessen those problems, issues and concerns.


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10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your self-absorbtion crap affects many people who read it. You try to quantify a feel or emotion into one word, "self-absortion" and hide under the gise of chritianity or a christian trying to make anothers life better. Your manic diatribe is nothing more than a lesson in life...called life. We are given it by God to live it to the best of our ability and learn from our previous mistakes; but most certainly not from someone who compartmentalizes it into one word "self-absorbtion." You disgust me!

Flashheart's Revenge said...

This post really makes a lot of sense to me, I have been struggling a lot lately as my mother is in hospital and I have been very self centred as a result. I put it down to fear. Anyway, many thanks for what you have written in this, food for thought.

Anonymous said...

THANK YOU.....
This is just what I needed to hear...

Yesterday I went to visit a NaturePath Healer...as a Christian, I felt uncomfortable was feeling guilty because my faith in God was "not strong enough" to depend on His healing (even that is self absorbed)..Truth is, I've been sliding down into depression and needed help but didn't want to go the way of PAXIL (which I was on for 4 years) because I couldn't FEEL with that in my system...

So, to make a long story shorter...
The practicioner made a comment about what she discovered. She helped me to recognize that I (can you believe "I" the one who puts people first and is always saying "yes" to help) had to take responsibiiity for my self absorption - THAT HURT....

As I reflected on it yesteday and this morning, I realized that she was TOTALLY right. I have been in a self absorbed "funk" and was not liking what I was becoming.

I came online to see what there was about self absorption and your article came right up.

It thank you for listening to the Spirit's leading to write this article. I will share it every opportunity I get.

Anonymous said...

After living in many cultures, eastern and western, I feel that for some reason may be because of our self centered culture that primarily focus on individuals and our religion (Christianity) that focuses on an individual’s salvation, we tend to be more self-centered and self-absorbed. Even though being self-absorbed is not the primary tenet of Christianity and its all about loving each other ('Love your neighbor as yourself.' – Matthew 22:37-39), we are so focused on pleasing the God for our own salvation, be part of his kingdom into eternal life with Him, compete with each other to be more Godly than everyone else so that we can secure a better ‘position’ in God’s kingdom. I heard several sermons regarding we being self-absorbed and not letting God into our hearts for own salvation. Once again, this type of preaching revolves around ‘us’, ‘me’ and ‘myself’ and our own salvation.

I think we just have to sit back and think what exactly God wants us to do? What are the basic principles Jesus Christ taught us? How can we help others with in what God has provided us even the person we are coming across is a total stranger? ("For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." Matthew 25:35)

I believe as Christians we will do better if we can turn our focus away from salvation and eternal life to the basic principles Jesus Christ taught us. If every Christian realize this, it can help our salvation better than anything else.

Bert said...

Thanks for your insightful comments on self absorbtion. I just happened to be looking for information on self absorbtion to write an essay on William Faulkner's The Sound and The Fury. The story drips in self absorbtion and the horrid effects of it. I appreciate your blog. Anonymous is not very generous with his/her comment, and tends to impune someones possibly decent motives. Too bad.

Anonymous said...

I personally think that more people need to focus on themselves. Many people care too much about how others behave/what they do, that they do not realize their own qualities, good and bad.

Also, when it comes to relationships, you definitely need to put yourself first in many ways. If you invest all your emotions into another person without anything in return, that would not be healthy for you. You need to know what you want out of the relationship and how you want it to be done, or else it will only be you continuously trying to satisfy your partner.

Also, What is so bad about trying to come up with ways to improve oneself, anyway?

Unknown said...

Enjoyed your thoughts on self-absorption. I have found it to be true for my own life. Amazing how quickly we fall back into it. I tend to get absorbed in my struggles instead of praying and being patient for God to answer!! FAITH is the victory!! I came across this article as I have been searching for a way to help my teenager. She is struggling rtremendously and doesn't know I am aware. We have a good relationship but she is keeping problems to herself. The direction that God seems to be leading me in is to have nightlu or weekly devotionals where we open up together and to share a story of someone who has overcome obstacles. Someone who inspires us. We need heroes!! Also, I want to strongly encourage my kids to volunteer somewhere. To give back so that they are not so self-absorbed. When you are the center of your universe, everything falls apart.

Anonymous said...

The Comments by anonymous are mean and spiteful. Soemone who thinks they are superiour to you.An example of ME, I, my opinions are right etch, not a loving response at all. I woke up this morning reflecting on how self absorbed and awful _I am. I have been treated very badly in the last 6 years by many people. Instead of submitting it all to God, I fought back, in the process have become someone I no longer like, plus fat which is really making me depressed, and I have aged. Mabye it was God's way for allowing me to see what is really in there. Anyway, I looked up on the internet about self absorption and found your blog. How helpful and refreshing to find others who are also aware of the sin within and want to change. Bless you.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the post.

I'm trying to connect teenage self-absorbtion to the proverbial "Idle mind is the devils playground". Wondering if spending to much time in their rooms with a computer will likely lead to no good (as example: pseudonym chat bullying, cutting, or other new teenage issues). That first poster is a Barbarian. Probably to much time on his hands so he/she spends it spewing ugliness and such. This is the connection I'm trying to make.

Anonymous said...

To the first comment, you could clearly benefit from this article but are unwilling to see that because you are..."self absorbed". As I've matured in life, I'm realizing that "self-absorption" is what leads oneself to much unhappiness...depression, attracting the wrong people in our lives, drama, hurting others.