How to Stop Being Judgmental (Part 1)

I try very hard not to be judgmental. I try very hard not to notice the many foibles, idiosyncrasies and chosen pastimes of my fellow man. Like the gal I knew whose dog went to therapy to help tame his ‘aggressive tendencies.’ Apparently, Fido missed his mommy who had to go out and work every day. So, while she was gone, he would attack the other dog, bite into furniture and generally be disagreeable. To remedy this, my friend took her dog to therapy where Fido was prescribed Prozac. That’s, right, Therapy. And Prozac! For a dog.

I try very hard not to be judgmental (did I mention that?), so, when she told me her story, I diligently tried to sympathize. I tried to see it from her dog’s point of view. I thought about how attached her dog obviously was to her and how it must be breaking his doggy heart to be parted each day from his master. I tried to see it from my friend’s point of view. I thought about the cost and worry my friend had to bear in order to get her dog the help he so desperately needed. And, when I finally could find no other point of view with which to sympathize, I settled on my own. I thought, ‘This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!’ A dog. On Prozac. And then I proceeded to share her story with friends, family members and strangers at the airport. My story would always end with ‘some people are way too attached to their pets.’

Funny? Yes. Christ-like? No. I told this story and other embarrassing stories about my friends so often, that I finally had to confront myself. What the heck was I doing? Why did I think it was okay to sit in judgment of other people? Sure, I had half-heartedly attempted to sympathize with this friend and others, but, in the final analysis, some part of my brain told me I had the right to pass judgment on them and their behavior. And I chose to listen to this voice instead of doing what I knew to be right – saying nothing and feeling true compassion for my friends. I confronted myself and realized that I needed to change. So I made it my mission to, first, find out why I was doing and second, make myself stop.

Number one, why was I doing it? I knew what the Bible said. Jesus said in Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” So, clearly, as a Christian, I should not judge other people. And, then, to drive his point home, Jesus went on to say “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” So, not only was it wrong for me to judge other people, but those other people would judge me just as harshly. Bummer, I thought. But I persevered. I pondered long and hard about why I kept doing it. Knowing it was wrong and knowing the consequences hadn’t been enough – there had to be some other reason why.

After several days spend in deep soul searching and prayer, I finally figured it out. I realized that the reason I judged other people so harshly was because I judged everything harshly. I realized that nothing ever lived up to my expectations. Not just other people’s behavior, but my own behavior, work policies, the car I drove, my writing attempts, the cost of living going up every year. Whatever. Whatever it was or whatever it concerned, I was not happy about it! And I finally realized that judging other people was really just a symptom of a much deeper problem with me – my overly critical nature.



Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice