Here's how to handle that conflict in your life:
Don't Let It Go Too Deep
Now that you are armed with the knowledge that you must expect conflict, that conflict is good, and that it's not about you, you are better prepared to deal with any conflict that comes your way. And, in that vein, you must also remember not to let any conflict get too far underneath your skin. After all, you know it's coming, you know it's not a reflection of how good or bad a person you are and you know that it is a good opportunity to clear the air, so try and face it with the most positive attitude of which you are capable. Truly be open to listening to what the other person is telling you. Be objective - be concerned, but don't let their words, their attitude or the actions cut into your own heart. It says in the Bible that you must guard your heart with good reason. In any conflict, you truly are fighting an enemy and that enemy is not the person engaging you in conversation. Our enemy is Satan and we don't fight him by being negative, harsh, retaliatory or angry. We fight him by being positive, thoughtful, careful and alert. That's why you must enter into the conversation, hear what the other person is saying, but never lose sight of who you are - a child of God.
You are Still Who You Are
It's important now for you to remember that you are a child of God because the enemy wants you to think of anything but that in the heat of an argument. He wants you to get angry and respond angrily to the person you are talking to. He wants to tear down and destroy your relationship, your friendship and, ultimately, your peace of mind. Think of the mileage he gets out of you when you get angry at someone, say hurtful things to another person, or bottle up your anger and resentment at that person on the inside. Stop it! Stop it right now! Remember that you are still the person you've always been - nothing anyone says or does to you will change that. Remember who you are and stand in it! You are not someone who points the finger at someone else or calls that other person names or walks around being unforgiving towards someone else (and if you are, that's what you need to work on next!) You are not the type of person who holds on to a grudge, puts someone down or gets easily offended. You are a child of God! Stand up Child of God and remember who you are!
Resolve, resolve, resolve!
After you have listened, after you have talked, and after you have taken time to understand that other person's point of view (and that person has hopefully understood yours) it's time to resolve, resolve, resolve! And before you point out what that other person did wrong, remember - it's not up that other person to make things better - it's up to you!
The Bible calls on anyone who has 'ought' against his brother to resolve that problem. And it also says be ye angry and sin not. In other words, it's not a sin to be angry, but it is a sin to engage in behavior that perpetuates that anger. The Bible also says that you are to forgive others as God has forgiven you. And, if you really feel like you have a right to stay angry, just take a moment to remember the hundreds of times you fell down, made mistakes or were rebellious and God forgave you. All the promises you made to God that you would do better and the hundreds or thousands of times you did not. You acted up, you were rebellious, you didn't do something God asked you to do, or you fell on your face, yet God forgave you. But, for some reason, today you think you have the right to stay mad at someone else. It doesn't work that way. And it's not about what's fair and what's not - it's about doing what God has asked you to do concerning conflict resolution. So, be obedient and do it! Resolve that problem, situation or argument. And, if you still have a problem with it, remember the benefits connected with such behavior - a continued relationship with that person, peace of mind, blessings from God, development of a Godly character and the development of more fruit of the spirit in your life.
So, the next time you find yourself in the midst of conflict, take a deep breath, listen and pause. Remember that you already expected conflict, that conflict is good, that it's not about you, that you are not going to let it go too deep, that you still are who you are and that you are going to take responsibility in resolving the dispute. Okay? Ready, set, resolve!
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Conflict
5/23/06
Conflict Resolution for Christians (Part 1)
How do you handle conflict as a Christian? What are some good strategies to use to lessen the pain, drama and anger associated with them? Read on to find out how to handle the next conflict that makes an appearance in your life.
Conflict occurs for many reasons. Differences of opinions, miscommunication, daily stresses and the like. All very ordinary, every day reasons. But the fallout from conflict is anything but ordinary. Increased stress, poor health, aggravation, bad attitude and long-term resentment. You don't want that, right? So let's figure out how to navigate around those potential negative outcomes.
Expect Conflict!
First of all, you will be better prepared to handle conflict if you expect it! As my Pastor says, any time you have two people together, there will be conflict. So, it's not just a matter of if conflict will occur, but when it will occur. And now that you know it will be coming, you can prepare yourself! I mean, nobody likes conflict, but what will make it easier is your acceptance of the fact that it's inevitable. As Christians, and as human beings, we are all very different. We have different opinions, different ways of expressing ourselves, differences in leadership styles, abilities, aptitudes, moods and temperaments. While our differences can make us function stronger as a body, they also leave us open to the potential for conflict.
Conflict is Good!
Here is the good news about conflict - it's a good thing! Why is that, you ask? Because conflict helps us to clear the air. It forces us to iron out our differences and it can lead to a new or better understanding of a problem or a situation. Let's say you just got into an argument with your boss because he is giving you more work to do when you are already pulling double shifts trying to get the work you've already assigned to you done. You get angry at your boss and (professionally, of course), tell him why you think that it isn't fair. You let him know that you have been doing the work of two since one of your co-workers left and have also taken on additional responsibilities in another area. You talk it out with him and he ends up cutting down your workload by re-assigning some of your duties to another person. How did conflict help in this situation? By making your boss aware there was a problem. You were able to clear the air, get some relief and maintain your professional poise and sanity. Without the conflict, the situation would have continued just the way it was. You - overworked and resentful. Your boss - delegating and unaware. Conflict is a good thing.
It's Not About You!
The other good news about conflict is that the person with whom you are experiencing the conflict is not really mad at you! And though he or she says that you are the problem, you are in fact, not. Let me let you in on a little secret of what goes on in a person's head when that person reacts to something - that person is really mad at himself or herself, tired, overworked, stressed out, fearful, distrustful, fatigued, short-sighted or just unaware. A person getting upset with you is much more a reflection of who they are then who you are. Think about it - if you are having a great day in a great life in a great world, how likely are you to get mad at a driver who cuts you off in traffic? But, if you are having a lousy day, in a lousy week with a lousy home life, what do you think your response would be to that same situation? People who are really happy don't engage in unnecessary or spiteful conflict. It is those who are the most unhappy who take that unhappiness out on other people. And, as my Pastor always says, hurting people hurt people. It's as simple as that.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Conflict
Conflict occurs for many reasons. Differences of opinions, miscommunication, daily stresses and the like. All very ordinary, every day reasons. But the fallout from conflict is anything but ordinary. Increased stress, poor health, aggravation, bad attitude and long-term resentment. You don't want that, right? So let's figure out how to navigate around those potential negative outcomes.
Expect Conflict!
First of all, you will be better prepared to handle conflict if you expect it! As my Pastor says, any time you have two people together, there will be conflict. So, it's not just a matter of if conflict will occur, but when it will occur. And now that you know it will be coming, you can prepare yourself! I mean, nobody likes conflict, but what will make it easier is your acceptance of the fact that it's inevitable. As Christians, and as human beings, we are all very different. We have different opinions, different ways of expressing ourselves, differences in leadership styles, abilities, aptitudes, moods and temperaments. While our differences can make us function stronger as a body, they also leave us open to the potential for conflict.
Conflict is Good!
Here is the good news about conflict - it's a good thing! Why is that, you ask? Because conflict helps us to clear the air. It forces us to iron out our differences and it can lead to a new or better understanding of a problem or a situation. Let's say you just got into an argument with your boss because he is giving you more work to do when you are already pulling double shifts trying to get the work you've already assigned to you done. You get angry at your boss and (professionally, of course), tell him why you think that it isn't fair. You let him know that you have been doing the work of two since one of your co-workers left and have also taken on additional responsibilities in another area. You talk it out with him and he ends up cutting down your workload by re-assigning some of your duties to another person. How did conflict help in this situation? By making your boss aware there was a problem. You were able to clear the air, get some relief and maintain your professional poise and sanity. Without the conflict, the situation would have continued just the way it was. You - overworked and resentful. Your boss - delegating and unaware. Conflict is a good thing.
It's Not About You!
The other good news about conflict is that the person with whom you are experiencing the conflict is not really mad at you! And though he or she says that you are the problem, you are in fact, not. Let me let you in on a little secret of what goes on in a person's head when that person reacts to something - that person is really mad at himself or herself, tired, overworked, stressed out, fearful, distrustful, fatigued, short-sighted or just unaware. A person getting upset with you is much more a reflection of who they are then who you are. Think about it - if you are having a great day in a great life in a great world, how likely are you to get mad at a driver who cuts you off in traffic? But, if you are having a lousy day, in a lousy week with a lousy home life, what do you think your response would be to that same situation? People who are really happy don't engage in unnecessary or spiteful conflict. It is those who are the most unhappy who take that unhappiness out on other people. And, as my Pastor always says, hurting people hurt people. It's as simple as that.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Conflict
5/21/06
Do Christians Get Depressed? (Part 2)
So, do Christians get depressed? Sure – but they don’t usually stay depressed. One thing is for certain – Christians will encounter many situations which will challenge their optimism. Jesus himself promised us ‘ …In the world you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer.’ (John 16:33 (MKJV). And why should we be of good cheer? Because Jesus also reminded us that ‘I have overcome the world’. In other words, there is no need for us to remain down or out (or even surprised by the frequency of our troubles), because Jesus has already solved any problems we will encounter. Yes, God does hear your cry when you are depressed, and will comfort and minister to you (as well as give you guidance), but, ultimately, our victory happened right there on Calvary when Jesus died on the cross for us. We can rest assured knowing that we will eventually come to a place where all trials and tribulations will be over, all tears will be wiped away and we will have eternal rest and peace with our Father. So that’s why we must recapture our joy when we're down and make a serious effort to remain in good spirits at all other times.
So what should you do if you find yourself in the throes of depression? Paul lays it out for us in Philippians 4:4-13. First, he tells us to let God know about our worries - through prayer and supplication. To make our requests known to God – with our thanks (for hearing, for responding, for whatever we can think of!). And then he promises us that peace will be ours. And to maintain that peace, he tells us to think on good things! Good things only. He says ‘….whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report, if [there be] any praise, think on these things.’ (KJV - emphasis mine)
This doesn’t mean you have to adopt a Pollyana view of the world – that nothing bad is going on or that you don’t have a good reason to be down. Instead, it means that you CHOOSE to maintain a positive attitude, knowing that God has it all under control. It means that you CHOOSE to let God deal with it instead of wrestling around with it in your own mind. And, finally it means you CHOOSE to believe God instead of all the rotten things that are going on around you. Paul last of all reminds us that we can do all things because Jesus strengthens us. So, it’s not a matter of relying on your own strength, but on the strength of the Almighty.
And He will never let you down.
So, don’t worry if you get depressed (occasionally) - just try your best not to stay depressed. Remember that God hears your prayers (and will respond) and that His peace will keep you through it all – if you let Him. So think good thoughts, turn your cares over to Him and choose to believe in God’s word instead of the world.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Depression
So what should you do if you find yourself in the throes of depression? Paul lays it out for us in Philippians 4:4-13. First, he tells us to let God know about our worries - through prayer and supplication. To make our requests known to God – with our thanks (for hearing, for responding, for whatever we can think of!). And then he promises us that peace will be ours. And to maintain that peace, he tells us to think on good things! Good things only. He says ‘….whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things [are] honest, whatsoever things [are] just, whatsoever things [are] lovely, whatsoever things [are] of good report, if [there be] any praise, think on these things.’ (KJV - emphasis mine)
This doesn’t mean you have to adopt a Pollyana view of the world – that nothing bad is going on or that you don’t have a good reason to be down. Instead, it means that you CHOOSE to maintain a positive attitude, knowing that God has it all under control. It means that you CHOOSE to let God deal with it instead of wrestling around with it in your own mind. And, finally it means you CHOOSE to believe God instead of all the rotten things that are going on around you. Paul last of all reminds us that we can do all things because Jesus strengthens us. So, it’s not a matter of relying on your own strength, but on the strength of the Almighty.
And He will never let you down.
So, don’t worry if you get depressed (occasionally) - just try your best not to stay depressed. Remember that God hears your prayers (and will respond) and that His peace will keep you through it all – if you let Him. So think good thoughts, turn your cares over to Him and choose to believe in God’s word instead of the world.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Depression
Do Christians Get Depressed? (Part 1)
What does the Bible say about depression? Is it okay to be a Christian and still get depressed? And what exactly is depression, anyway?
First, what exactly is depression? WebMD defines it as ‘A clinical mood disorder associated with low mood or loss of interest and other symptoms that prevent a person from leading a normal life.’ Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary has an even more eye-opening definition: ‘a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies’. And if that doesn’t make it clear, I don’t know what does!
So, do Christians get depressed? The short answer to that is – Yes. The Bible is filled with a lot of people who got depressed! The prophet Elijah experienced his own depression very shortly after experiencing a major victory with God. Elijah held a competition – himself against 450 prophets of Baal! – to prove the might of God. After a lot of storm and drama, God proved Himself to be the Only True God and Elijah experienced a major personal victory. The queen at the time -Jezebel - was very unhappy about this and threatened Elijah’s life. Elijah became frightened and ran for his life. After coming to the end of his (physical) rope (in the wilderness), he stopped and started to feel very badly for himself. 1 Kings 19:4 says Elijah, ‘….begged for his life, that he might die. And he said, It is enough, O LORD, take away my life. For I am no better than my fathers.’ (MKJV). Elijah was definitely depressed (the entire story can be read in 1 Kings 19:1-18).
Even one of Israelite’s Great Deliverers, Joshua the Son of Nun, experienced a down time. Joshua had led the Israelites to a resounding victory against Jericho. The Israelites then went to war against Ai and experienced a bitter defeat. Joshua 7:6-7 says ‘And Joshua tore his clothes and fell to the earth on his face before the ark of the LORD until the eventide, he and the elders of Israel, and put dust on their heads. And Joshua said, Alas, O Lord God, why have You at all brought this people over Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites, to destroy us? And, oh that we had been content and lived on the other side of Jordan!’ (MKJV). Joshua was a very unhappy man.
What I find most interesting about these situations, however, is how God responded to Elijah and Joshua. God sent an angel to minister to Elijah after he’d stopped in the wilderness, who provided him with food encouraged him to eat and drink. Elijah then took a 40-day journey to Mt. Horeb where God Himself spoke to him. God asked Elijah ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’ (1 Kings 19:9 MKJV) and Elijah has this pity party where he tells God how he had been zealous for Him and Elijah was now the only prophet left and how they were trying to kill him! God gave Elijah instructions to carry out and then promptly informed him, ‘Yet I have left seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed to Baal...’(1 Kings 19:18 MKJV). In other words, that Elijah had no business being depressed because he was not, in fact, the only prophet of God left. He also got the opportunity to speak to God one-on-one, as God passed by him and spoke to him in a still, small voice.
God had a different response for Joshua. Joshua 7:10 says, ‘And the LORD said to Joshua, Get up! Why do you lie on your face this way?’ (MKJV). God explained to Joshua that the Israelites had been defeated because they had sinned against Him. But that now, it was time to Get Up!, fix the problem and return to their warfare against the people of Ai.
What is reassuring about both of these situations is not only the fact that God heard Elijah’s and Joshua’s cries to Him, but that He responded. He met them right where they were and gave them hope and instructions for how to carry on. He didn’t leave them in the middle of their hopelessness – He took control and gave them a renewed sense of purpose and direction.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Depression
First, what exactly is depression? WebMD defines it as ‘A clinical mood disorder associated with low mood or loss of interest and other symptoms that prevent a person from leading a normal life.’ Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary has an even more eye-opening definition: ‘a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies’. And if that doesn’t make it clear, I don’t know what does!
So, do Christians get depressed? The short answer to that is – Yes. The Bible is filled with a lot of people who got depressed! The prophet Elijah experienced his own depression very shortly after experiencing a major victory with God. Elijah held a competition – himself against 450 prophets of Baal! – to prove the might of God. After a lot of storm and drama, God proved Himself to be the Only True God and Elijah experienced a major personal victory. The queen at the time -Jezebel - was very unhappy about this and threatened Elijah’s life. Elijah became frightened and ran for his life. After coming to the end of his (physical) rope (in the wilderness), he stopped and started to feel very badly for himself. 1 Kings 19:4 says Elijah, ‘….begged for his life, that he might die. And he said, It is enough, O LORD, take away my life. For I am no better than my fathers.’ (MKJV). Elijah was definitely depressed (the entire story can be read in 1 Kings 19:1-18).
Even one of Israelite’s Great Deliverers, Joshua the Son of Nun, experienced a down time. Joshua had led the Israelites to a resounding victory against Jericho. The Israelites then went to war against Ai and experienced a bitter defeat. Joshua 7:6-7 says ‘And Joshua tore his clothes and fell to the earth on his face before the ark of the LORD until the eventide, he and the elders of Israel, and put dust on their heads. And Joshua said, Alas, O Lord God, why have You at all brought this people over Jordan to deliver us into the hands of the Amorites, to destroy us? And, oh that we had been content and lived on the other side of Jordan!’ (MKJV). Joshua was a very unhappy man.
What I find most interesting about these situations, however, is how God responded to Elijah and Joshua. God sent an angel to minister to Elijah after he’d stopped in the wilderness, who provided him with food encouraged him to eat and drink. Elijah then took a 40-day journey to Mt. Horeb where God Himself spoke to him. God asked Elijah ‘What are you doing here, Elijah?’ (1 Kings 19:9 MKJV) and Elijah has this pity party where he tells God how he had been zealous for Him and Elijah was now the only prophet left and how they were trying to kill him! God gave Elijah instructions to carry out and then promptly informed him, ‘Yet I have left seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed to Baal...’(1 Kings 19:18 MKJV). In other words, that Elijah had no business being depressed because he was not, in fact, the only prophet of God left. He also got the opportunity to speak to God one-on-one, as God passed by him and spoke to him in a still, small voice.
God had a different response for Joshua. Joshua 7:10 says, ‘And the LORD said to Joshua, Get up! Why do you lie on your face this way?’ (MKJV). God explained to Joshua that the Israelites had been defeated because they had sinned against Him. But that now, it was time to Get Up!, fix the problem and return to their warfare against the people of Ai.
What is reassuring about both of these situations is not only the fact that God heard Elijah’s and Joshua’s cries to Him, but that He responded. He met them right where they were and gave them hope and instructions for how to carry on. He didn’t leave them in the middle of their hopelessness – He took control and gave them a renewed sense of purpose and direction.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Depression
5/19/06
Spirituality Improves Blood Pressure and Mental Health
I ran across two really great articles on WebMD today. The first article demonstrated a strong link between level of spiritual activity and lowered blood pressure. The study focused on a group of 5,300 African-Americans (who are at greater risk for high blood pressure). The article said:
A second article, entitled "Going to Church May Improve Mental Health", said:
So, if you need a new reason to pray or go to church - now you have it! Seek God, spend time with Him, pray daily and go to church weekly. Your blood pressure and you mental health will thank you!
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Blood Pressure, Church, Mental, Health
The study, the largest on the topic in blacks to date, showed that people who were involved in religious activities had significantly lower blood pressure than people who were not.Even better, spiritual activity seemed to play a role in lowering stress as well:
Another noteworthy finding was that people who engaged in religious activities had lower levels of cortisol, a biological marker of stress, Wyatt tells WebMD.
A second article, entitled "Going to Church May Improve Mental Health", said:
A new survey of nearly 37,000 men and women shows that people who regularly attend church, synagogue, or other religious services are less likely to suffer from depression and other psychiatric illnesses than those who don't.And, the more you go, the better off you are!
So, if you need a new reason to pray or go to church - now you have it! Seek God, spend time with Him, pray daily and go to church weekly. Your blood pressure and you mental health will thank you!
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Blood Pressure, Church, Mental, Health
5/16/06
How to Stop Thinking Too Much
Matthew 6:25-27 (NIV)
25. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? 26. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
How much time do you spend over-thinking? I know - we don’t like to think of it that way. We call it analyzing, meditating, ‘figuring things out’ and other euphemisms that cover up what we are really doing: thinking too much. How do you know when you’ve over-thought something? Here are some signs – 1. You can’t get that problem or situation out of your mind; 2. As much thought as you’ve given to it, it still does not make sense to you or 3. You still haven’t figured out what to do. If you find yourself experiencing any of these things, you have probably given something way too much thought.
Why do we do it? God equipped us with minds because we need to be able to ‘figure out' some things for ourselves. Our minds were meant to be the logical conduit that connected spirit to body. Our spirits know, our minds think and our bodies act. But many times we find that our mind is trying to control this triumvirate. We may pray about some things, but we think about all things. Somewhere, in the back of our minds, we are convinced that if we spend enough time problem-solving and analyzing, we will figure it all out. Well, let me set your mind at rest about one thing at least: YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. So stop trying. Now take a deep breath. Rest your mind. And get ready to move on.
We will never have it all figured out, simply because God did not make the world, in all its many implications and variations, easy enough for you or me to ‘figure out’. There is only one All-Knowing, All-Wise, All-Seeing One and I’ll give you a hint who that is: it isn't you or me. But this is not cause for despair. As a matter of fact, you should start rejoicing and rejoice now! Because the weight of the world is really not on your shoulders, you don’t have to have all the answers so you can be free of all your needless worry and thought!
Once you’ve accepted that fact, you’re ready to let all that responsibility go and use your mind for the purpose for which it was intended: to think, but within reason. When you encounter a problem, you should always pray. And you can give it some thought. You can ponder for a while why it happened, what it meant to you, what you learned from it and decide whether or not you can do something about it. If you can do something about it, do it. If you cannot, then pray some more about it, then let it go (to God)! Then move on with your life. And don’t be discouraged if that same problem re-appears – this ‘letting go’ process might be ongoing - until you get the hang of it. If a problem re-appears in your mind, let it go again and then STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. And the best way to stop thinking about something is to start thinking about something else.
So think about the good things in your life. Think about the things for which you are grateful. Allow your thoughts to wander to some of the more pleasant experiences of your life. Thank God for those moments and then recall them in detail. Linger over each moment, savoring it as if it just happened. Now take a look around you right now. What do you have to be happy about right now? It may take a minute of thinking, but then you might recall that, while you are not happy with your job, it’s kept you in Gucci and Prada, so it’s a good thing that your bills are being paid. Or you can recall your gratitude that your parents still take such an interest in your life (instead of complaining that they call way too much). Or you can think about how you woke up this morning and that migraine you were battling last night finally went away. Or, you can find contentment in the fact that, though your problems still exist, you are here another day to get it right, make amends or make it better. And how great that is.
So stop over-thinking! Think something through once, not twice, three times or all night long. Move on with your life and allow the beauty of it all make those problems, situations or circumstances just fade into the background.
And trust in God for all things....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
25. Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? 26. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
How much time do you spend over-thinking? I know - we don’t like to think of it that way. We call it analyzing, meditating, ‘figuring things out’ and other euphemisms that cover up what we are really doing: thinking too much. How do you know when you’ve over-thought something? Here are some signs – 1. You can’t get that problem or situation out of your mind; 2. As much thought as you’ve given to it, it still does not make sense to you or 3. You still haven’t figured out what to do. If you find yourself experiencing any of these things, you have probably given something way too much thought.
Why do we do it? God equipped us with minds because we need to be able to ‘figure out' some things for ourselves. Our minds were meant to be the logical conduit that connected spirit to body. Our spirits know, our minds think and our bodies act. But many times we find that our mind is trying to control this triumvirate. We may pray about some things, but we think about all things. Somewhere, in the back of our minds, we are convinced that if we spend enough time problem-solving and analyzing, we will figure it all out. Well, let me set your mind at rest about one thing at least: YOU WILL NEVER HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. So stop trying. Now take a deep breath. Rest your mind. And get ready to move on.
We will never have it all figured out, simply because God did not make the world, in all its many implications and variations, easy enough for you or me to ‘figure out’. There is only one All-Knowing, All-Wise, All-Seeing One and I’ll give you a hint who that is: it isn't you or me. But this is not cause for despair. As a matter of fact, you should start rejoicing and rejoice now! Because the weight of the world is really not on your shoulders, you don’t have to have all the answers so you can be free of all your needless worry and thought!
Once you’ve accepted that fact, you’re ready to let all that responsibility go and use your mind for the purpose for which it was intended: to think, but within reason. When you encounter a problem, you should always pray. And you can give it some thought. You can ponder for a while why it happened, what it meant to you, what you learned from it and decide whether or not you can do something about it. If you can do something about it, do it. If you cannot, then pray some more about it, then let it go (to God)! Then move on with your life. And don’t be discouraged if that same problem re-appears – this ‘letting go’ process might be ongoing - until you get the hang of it. If a problem re-appears in your mind, let it go again and then STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. And the best way to stop thinking about something is to start thinking about something else.
So think about the good things in your life. Think about the things for which you are grateful. Allow your thoughts to wander to some of the more pleasant experiences of your life. Thank God for those moments and then recall them in detail. Linger over each moment, savoring it as if it just happened. Now take a look around you right now. What do you have to be happy about right now? It may take a minute of thinking, but then you might recall that, while you are not happy with your job, it’s kept you in Gucci and Prada, so it’s a good thing that your bills are being paid. Or you can recall your gratitude that your parents still take such an interest in your life (instead of complaining that they call way too much). Or you can think about how you woke up this morning and that migraine you were battling last night finally went away. Or, you can find contentment in the fact that, though your problems still exist, you are here another day to get it right, make amends or make it better. And how great that is.
So stop over-thinking! Think something through once, not twice, three times or all night long. Move on with your life and allow the beauty of it all make those problems, situations or circumstances just fade into the background.
And trust in God for all things....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/14/06
How to Stop Being Judgmental (Part 2)
This insight, though humbling, was also enlightening. I discovered that I had some nasty perfectionistic tendencies and that these were not only crippling me, but hindering my friendships as well. Who wanted to be friends with a judgmental know-it-all? Not many people, believe me. However, in the final analysis, discovering I was as flawed as I was actually liberating! By acknowledging to myself that I was less than perfect, it gave me the freedom to be less harsh on myself and on others. I realized that it had been hard work all those years to be everybody’s critic. And I realized most of my criticism was simply a cover-up for the flaws within myself that I so desperately wanted to hide from other people. Better to point out other people’s mishaps or lapses in judgment than to be called out for being the imperfect being that I was.
So how did I get over being judgemental? Through reminding myself daily of the downfalls of being judgmental – it was not Christ-like, it was unseemly and it made me a more unpleasant person to be around. And then I taught myself some effective strategies to avoid passing judgement on others. First, I took my eyes off people and put it back where it belonged – on God. Sometimes, during church service (a cornucopia of human faults and fashion mistakes), I would literally force myself to stare at the ceilings, the windows or the balcony until I could bring my attention away from people and back to the service. I stopped scanning the audience to see who was wearing what or who was sitting with whom (admit it – you do it, too!). And then I learned how to stop talking about people – I just stopped! I would be in a conversation with a friend about a mutual friend and the minute he or she would say something like, ‘did you see that guy she brought to church?’ I would stop the conversation. I would pause, say, hmm and change the topic. I refused to let something negative or judgmental come out of my mouth. As a final countermeasure to the random judgmental thoughts that would come into my head, I learned how to think positive things about people! I would see a woman on the street and think what a lovely color dress she was wearing. Or I would see a man cutting me off on the freeway and think, what a nice car he’s driving (okay, I don’t really think that, but at least I stopped mentally blessing him out!). And it worked. The more I trained my mind and mouth to do better, the better they did!
You too can follow my program and get better results out of your friendships and conversations! And, as an extra incentive, by not being so quick to voice your opinion, you can avoid the ‘foot-in-mouth’ syndrome. This is where you spend five minutes talking about someone and then spend five hours apologizing to that person because your conversation leaked out! And, by learning how to think positively about other people, you will actually start to feel more positive about other people. Your perception is truly defined by what you think. If, every time you see a little old granny in the slow lane driving a 1980 Buick, you think, ‘she’s too old to be driving’, you will forever hold grannies in Buicks in low regard. But, if you instead think about how brave she is for taking on the onerous drivers on the road, you will position yourself to be kinder to her and have compassion for her slower reflex times or decreased ability to see you swerving across the freeway to avoid getting stuck behind her. And, as a final bonus to becoming less judgmental, you will attract people who are less judgmental as well! Suddenly, your friends will be more positive, your family will be more positive and, if you ever get out of line and revert back to your old ways, you will always have someone around to correct you!
Try it and see for yourself....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
So how did I get over being judgemental? Through reminding myself daily of the downfalls of being judgmental – it was not Christ-like, it was unseemly and it made me a more unpleasant person to be around. And then I taught myself some effective strategies to avoid passing judgement on others. First, I took my eyes off people and put it back where it belonged – on God. Sometimes, during church service (a cornucopia of human faults and fashion mistakes), I would literally force myself to stare at the ceilings, the windows or the balcony until I could bring my attention away from people and back to the service. I stopped scanning the audience to see who was wearing what or who was sitting with whom (admit it – you do it, too!). And then I learned how to stop talking about people – I just stopped! I would be in a conversation with a friend about a mutual friend and the minute he or she would say something like, ‘did you see that guy she brought to church?’ I would stop the conversation. I would pause, say, hmm and change the topic. I refused to let something negative or judgmental come out of my mouth. As a final countermeasure to the random judgmental thoughts that would come into my head, I learned how to think positive things about people! I would see a woman on the street and think what a lovely color dress she was wearing. Or I would see a man cutting me off on the freeway and think, what a nice car he’s driving (okay, I don’t really think that, but at least I stopped mentally blessing him out!). And it worked. The more I trained my mind and mouth to do better, the better they did!
You too can follow my program and get better results out of your friendships and conversations! And, as an extra incentive, by not being so quick to voice your opinion, you can avoid the ‘foot-in-mouth’ syndrome. This is where you spend five minutes talking about someone and then spend five hours apologizing to that person because your conversation leaked out! And, by learning how to think positively about other people, you will actually start to feel more positive about other people. Your perception is truly defined by what you think. If, every time you see a little old granny in the slow lane driving a 1980 Buick, you think, ‘she’s too old to be driving’, you will forever hold grannies in Buicks in low regard. But, if you instead think about how brave she is for taking on the onerous drivers on the road, you will position yourself to be kinder to her and have compassion for her slower reflex times or decreased ability to see you swerving across the freeway to avoid getting stuck behind her. And, as a final bonus to becoming less judgmental, you will attract people who are less judgmental as well! Suddenly, your friends will be more positive, your family will be more positive and, if you ever get out of line and revert back to your old ways, you will always have someone around to correct you!
Try it and see for yourself....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
How to Stop Being Judgmental (Part 1)
I try very hard not to be judgmental. I try very hard not to notice the many foibles, idiosyncrasies and chosen pastimes of my fellow man. Like the gal I knew whose dog went to therapy to help tame his ‘aggressive tendencies.’ Apparently, Fido missed his mommy who had to go out and work every day. So, while she was gone, he would attack the other dog, bite into furniture and generally be disagreeable. To remedy this, my friend took her dog to therapy where Fido was prescribed Prozac. That’s, right, Therapy. And Prozac! For a dog.
I try very hard not to be judgmental (did I mention that?), so, when she told me her story, I diligently tried to sympathize. I tried to see it from her dog’s point of view. I thought about how attached her dog obviously was to her and how it must be breaking his doggy heart to be parted each day from his master. I tried to see it from my friend’s point of view. I thought about the cost and worry my friend had to bear in order to get her dog the help he so desperately needed. And, when I finally could find no other point of view with which to sympathize, I settled on my own. I thought, ‘This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!’ A dog. On Prozac. And then I proceeded to share her story with friends, family members and strangers at the airport. My story would always end with ‘some people are way too attached to their pets.’
Funny? Yes. Christ-like? No. I told this story and other embarrassing stories about my friends so often, that I finally had to confront myself. What the heck was I doing? Why did I think it was okay to sit in judgment of other people? Sure, I had half-heartedly attempted to sympathize with this friend and others, but, in the final analysis, some part of my brain told me I had the right to pass judgment on them and their behavior. And I chose to listen to this voice instead of doing what I knew to be right – saying nothing and feeling true compassion for my friends. I confronted myself and realized that I needed to change. So I made it my mission to, first, find out why I was doing and second, make myself stop.
Number one, why was I doing it? I knew what the Bible said. Jesus said in Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” So, clearly, as a Christian, I should not judge other people. And, then, to drive his point home, Jesus went on to say “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” So, not only was it wrong for me to judge other people, but those other people would judge me just as harshly. Bummer, I thought. But I persevered. I pondered long and hard about why I kept doing it. Knowing it was wrong and knowing the consequences hadn’t been enough – there had to be some other reason why.
After several days spend in deep soul searching and prayer, I finally figured it out. I realized that the reason I judged other people so harshly was because I judged everything harshly. I realized that nothing ever lived up to my expectations. Not just other people’s behavior, but my own behavior, work policies, the car I drove, my writing attempts, the cost of living going up every year. Whatever. Whatever it was or whatever it concerned, I was not happy about it! And I finally realized that judging other people was really just a symptom of a much deeper problem with me – my overly critical nature.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
I try very hard not to be judgmental (did I mention that?), so, when she told me her story, I diligently tried to sympathize. I tried to see it from her dog’s point of view. I thought about how attached her dog obviously was to her and how it must be breaking his doggy heart to be parted each day from his master. I tried to see it from my friend’s point of view. I thought about the cost and worry my friend had to bear in order to get her dog the help he so desperately needed. And, when I finally could find no other point of view with which to sympathize, I settled on my own. I thought, ‘This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!’ A dog. On Prozac. And then I proceeded to share her story with friends, family members and strangers at the airport. My story would always end with ‘some people are way too attached to their pets.’
Funny? Yes. Christ-like? No. I told this story and other embarrassing stories about my friends so often, that I finally had to confront myself. What the heck was I doing? Why did I think it was okay to sit in judgment of other people? Sure, I had half-heartedly attempted to sympathize with this friend and others, but, in the final analysis, some part of my brain told me I had the right to pass judgment on them and their behavior. And I chose to listen to this voice instead of doing what I knew to be right – saying nothing and feeling true compassion for my friends. I confronted myself and realized that I needed to change. So I made it my mission to, first, find out why I was doing and second, make myself stop.
Number one, why was I doing it? I knew what the Bible said. Jesus said in Matthew 7:1 “Judge not, that ye be not judged.” So, clearly, as a Christian, I should not judge other people. And, then, to drive his point home, Jesus went on to say “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” So, not only was it wrong for me to judge other people, but those other people would judge me just as harshly. Bummer, I thought. But I persevered. I pondered long and hard about why I kept doing it. Knowing it was wrong and knowing the consequences hadn’t been enough – there had to be some other reason why.
After several days spend in deep soul searching and prayer, I finally figured it out. I realized that the reason I judged other people so harshly was because I judged everything harshly. I realized that nothing ever lived up to my expectations. Not just other people’s behavior, but my own behavior, work policies, the car I drove, my writing attempts, the cost of living going up every year. Whatever. Whatever it was or whatever it concerned, I was not happy about it! And I finally realized that judging other people was really just a symptom of a much deeper problem with me – my overly critical nature.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/10/06
How to Get Through A Bad Day (Part 2)
Go ahead and dwell on all the things that are going wrong. Yes, normally, it's good not to think too long or too hard about all that is 'wrong' with your life, but sometimes bad things have to be faced. Perhaps you've been avoiding dealing with certain issues, which is why they've come back to haunt you now. Maybe you're lousy with money or have financially bitten off more than you can chew. Review your finances. Find out why your lights are always in danger of being cut off or your mortgage payment has been 30 days past due for the last year. No, it's not easy to face it, but you'll feel much better when it's said and done. Hunker down and come up with a budget to pay down some bills. Realize when you need to just say no. Say no to shopping sprees. Say no to a new car. Say no to your current job. Recognize where you are and what you can do to get out of that financial hole.
Maybe the problem misery came as a result of problems you have with your ex-spouse or ex-lover and the children the two of you share. Call you ex and come up with a firm visitation schedule for your children so you won't have to be solely responsible for them in case of emergencies. Make sure your financial arrangements with him or her are what they should be and that they are taking equal responsibility in picking the kids up or taking the kids to certain activities. And if that ex won't cooperate with your efforts to negotiate, cut them out of your thinking. Say, yes, he or she is a bad egg, and resolve to make the best of things with as little of his or her help as needed. And move on with your life.
Go ahead and think long and hard all those people that have done you wrong. Perhaps it takes just such a rotten, miserable day to realize the people you thought were your friends really are not. Remember all the things you did for them and the few or paltry things they did for you in return. Remember all the negative, ugly nasty things that person said about you (behind your back no less). And then recognize your need for distance from that person. Realize they have been poisoning your life. And let them go.
Think long and hard about all the bad things that have brought you to this day. Who did what, what you did wrong, what you don't want to or have refused to confront, etc., etc. Cry if you need to. Get mad if you need to. And then make efforts to change those things that you can. Accept the things that you cannot. And live with all the rest.
If need be, call off work and stay home with a good cup of tea or the remains of the cake from your son's birthday party. It's okay to indulge in your bad habits for one day (as long as they are not life-threatening or harmful to yourself or another person). It's okay to take one day or one week or one month to be with yourself. Your boss will find some way of getting along without you, your friends will support you in and your spouse will love you enough to give you what you need. Let yourself be 'down' for a little while. Allow yourself to get good and 'depressed.' Have a pity party. Think of all the bad, horrible, rotten, unfair things that you normally put away somewhere in your subconscious. Take out your anger on hitting a few pillows. Call a good friend and rant and rave for an hour or two. Stay still and listen to your inner voice reminding you of all those things you'd rather not think about. Allow your emotions free reign. Temporarily. And if you find that you cannot spend one day out of a month facing bad things and that it extends to days, weeks or months, you may need to seek professional help. And that's okay, too.
The reason it is okay to be 'down' temporarily is that it helps to remind you of a simple truth - most bad days are the result of bad months, bad years, bad choices and bad situations. And being down is a good time to acknowledge that truth. Sometimes you see more clearly in the midst of pain than at any other time. Most 'bad' days are not the result of any great mystery - there is usually a sound and concrete reason why this day is the day to end all bad days. You find that you haven't been getting enough sleep. Your eating habits have been lousy. You have a terrible temper and you've taken it out on one too many people in the last few days. You are terrible with your finances. Your kids really are out of control. You are out of control. You stay out too late. You go to bed too early. Something, somewhere in your life has gone out of whack and you need to fix it. Ignore these signals your body and mind are sending to you on these 'bad' days and miss out on some important clues about your life. Your body and your mind are trying to tell you something. Are you listening?
Through all of these ups and downs and times of discovery - pray. Talk to God. Yes, I know you don't feel like praying (who does, on these types of days?), but it's important. And I'm not talking about a 'hallowed be Thy name' type prayer. I'm talking about real prayer. Where you tell God exactly how you feel, no holds barred. Even if you only want to tell Him what a lousy day you are having. Or complain about your kids. Or question why you must go through this. Talk to Him. He's heard it all before and He does not condemn you for it. He welcomes open dialogue. He tells the Israelites 'Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: thought your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; thought they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.' in Isaiah 1:18. Surely, He can have a conversation with you when you need to get a few things off your chest. He understands what you are going through. He made you after all, He knows exactly how you work. And remember - Jesus came and suffered as we did, as a man. He's felt what you have felt. He's been through what you are going through. He can relate. And he is right there on at the right hand of God intervening for us, talking to God about us. Talk to God. Be honest about your feelings. It will help you immensely.
Remember - this too shall pass. Maybe not today and maybe not even next week, but eventually. Recognize that most bad days are the result of other 'bad' things in our lives that need to be corrected. And some bad days just are. In either case, you will get through it. Tomorrow is coming and this day will soon be just one more memory in the life that you make for yourself.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Maybe the problem misery came as a result of problems you have with your ex-spouse or ex-lover and the children the two of you share. Call you ex and come up with a firm visitation schedule for your children so you won't have to be solely responsible for them in case of emergencies. Make sure your financial arrangements with him or her are what they should be and that they are taking equal responsibility in picking the kids up or taking the kids to certain activities. And if that ex won't cooperate with your efforts to negotiate, cut them out of your thinking. Say, yes, he or she is a bad egg, and resolve to make the best of things with as little of his or her help as needed. And move on with your life.
Go ahead and think long and hard all those people that have done you wrong. Perhaps it takes just such a rotten, miserable day to realize the people you thought were your friends really are not. Remember all the things you did for them and the few or paltry things they did for you in return. Remember all the negative, ugly nasty things that person said about you (behind your back no less). And then recognize your need for distance from that person. Realize they have been poisoning your life. And let them go.
Think long and hard about all the bad things that have brought you to this day. Who did what, what you did wrong, what you don't want to or have refused to confront, etc., etc. Cry if you need to. Get mad if you need to. And then make efforts to change those things that you can. Accept the things that you cannot. And live with all the rest.
If need be, call off work and stay home with a good cup of tea or the remains of the cake from your son's birthday party. It's okay to indulge in your bad habits for one day (as long as they are not life-threatening or harmful to yourself or another person). It's okay to take one day or one week or one month to be with yourself. Your boss will find some way of getting along without you, your friends will support you in and your spouse will love you enough to give you what you need. Let yourself be 'down' for a little while. Allow yourself to get good and 'depressed.' Have a pity party. Think of all the bad, horrible, rotten, unfair things that you normally put away somewhere in your subconscious. Take out your anger on hitting a few pillows. Call a good friend and rant and rave for an hour or two. Stay still and listen to your inner voice reminding you of all those things you'd rather not think about. Allow your emotions free reign. Temporarily. And if you find that you cannot spend one day out of a month facing bad things and that it extends to days, weeks or months, you may need to seek professional help. And that's okay, too.
The reason it is okay to be 'down' temporarily is that it helps to remind you of a simple truth - most bad days are the result of bad months, bad years, bad choices and bad situations. And being down is a good time to acknowledge that truth. Sometimes you see more clearly in the midst of pain than at any other time. Most 'bad' days are not the result of any great mystery - there is usually a sound and concrete reason why this day is the day to end all bad days. You find that you haven't been getting enough sleep. Your eating habits have been lousy. You have a terrible temper and you've taken it out on one too many people in the last few days. You are terrible with your finances. Your kids really are out of control. You are out of control. You stay out too late. You go to bed too early. Something, somewhere in your life has gone out of whack and you need to fix it. Ignore these signals your body and mind are sending to you on these 'bad' days and miss out on some important clues about your life. Your body and your mind are trying to tell you something. Are you listening?
Through all of these ups and downs and times of discovery - pray. Talk to God. Yes, I know you don't feel like praying (who does, on these types of days?), but it's important. And I'm not talking about a 'hallowed be Thy name' type prayer. I'm talking about real prayer. Where you tell God exactly how you feel, no holds barred. Even if you only want to tell Him what a lousy day you are having. Or complain about your kids. Or question why you must go through this. Talk to Him. He's heard it all before and He does not condemn you for it. He welcomes open dialogue. He tells the Israelites 'Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: thought your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; thought they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.' in Isaiah 1:18. Surely, He can have a conversation with you when you need to get a few things off your chest. He understands what you are going through. He made you after all, He knows exactly how you work. And remember - Jesus came and suffered as we did, as a man. He's felt what you have felt. He's been through what you are going through. He can relate. And he is right there on at the right hand of God intervening for us, talking to God about us. Talk to God. Be honest about your feelings. It will help you immensely.
Remember - this too shall pass. Maybe not today and maybe not even next week, but eventually. Recognize that most bad days are the result of other 'bad' things in our lives that need to be corrected. And some bad days just are. In either case, you will get through it. Tomorrow is coming and this day will soon be just one more memory in the life that you make for yourself.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
How to Get Through a Bad Day (Part 1)
No matter how hard we try to make them otherwise, some days are just awful. They start off bad, they never get any better, and they end on a low and sometimes even gloomier note. These days befuddle your mind, waste your finite resources and throw your calendar off.
Some people call the state of mind accompanying this day 'depression' or are content to simply think of it as 'having a bad day'. Sometimes there are logical explanations - you failed to get a good night's sleep, or you're going through difficulties, problems, or are in the midst of a bad situation. Sometimes the root of your bad day can be found in a negative morning experience - you just had an argument with your spouse or one of your kids. Mostly, though, these days seem to strike at will and we don't understand how or why they have entered our lives.
What do you do at these times? How do you handle the 'bad' days? What are good strategies to make these days go away or, at the very least, lessen the pain, confusion and drama associated with them?
It is true that some days seemed destined to go wrong from the very beginning. We wake up in a lousy mood, we go to the bathroom and discover we are out of toothpaste. Our son or daughter has eaten the last of our favorite breakfast cereal. We're late to work because the dog got loose. Our kids forgot to tell us that today they are to be dropped off at a different location to go on a school trip. Someone is sick. You are sick. You are sick of your job. Your car isn't acting right. Your mother isn't acting right. Your boss is getting on your nerves. Your co-workers are talking too loudly. No one around there wants to do a full day's work. Too many people are doing a full day's work.
Your mate has left you. You have left your mate. You don't know where the money will come from to pay your bills. You can't keep track of how many bills you need to pay. You need to run 20 different errands, but your boss won't let you take an extended lunch hour. You need to speak with your boss, but she has taken a two hour lunch. You are dealing with the death of a loved one. You are dealing with the death of your identity as a young person or as a single person. Life has changed. You have changed. And the numerous problems, obligations and responsibilities you will face in a given day are doing nothing to make the situation better.
The key to dealing with this kind of day (or week or month) is to remember that it's only temporary. No matter how bad it is, it will eventually be over. You will eventually get the money to turn the lights back on, your boss will eventually return from her lunch, you will eventually get used to being newly single. And, no matter how annoyed or frustrated you are at a given moment, that too will pass. The problem will remedy itself, your moodiness will take its leave and life will return to normal. Even if you are dealing with an ongoing problem, remember, soon, it will be over! It may not seem like it, you may not be able to see any light at the end of any tunnel, you may feel like your life is one big mess, and that this problem will never end, but none of these things is true. This problem, too, at some point or another, will pass.
Though this day or this week has been terrible, the problem itself is only temporary. And, for a temporary problem, you need a temporary remedy. It does you no good to hear you should 'be of good cheer' when there is no internal cheer to be found. It's no point in pretending to be sitting on top of the world when you are in fact at the bottom of a ditch. When you feel down, you need to find something to address that feeling, right then.
We all know the prescription for a healthy life - pray, eat healthy foods, exercise, maintain a good weight, etc., etc. We probably know the calorie or carbohydrate count for all our favorite foods and can all quote the recommended 30 minutes of daily exercise that we are supposed to be getting. These, however, are long-term solutions to your mental, spiritual and physical health. Right now you need something that will get you through right now. Today. With the hope that tomorrow will be better.
Today you feel miserable. Today you can't remember why you got married, why you got divorced, why you had kids, why you put off having kids, why you quit your job, how you can stand to be at your job for one more minute, etc., etc. Today you have had enough. None of your positive affirmations are working - you feel more like the tail than the head, none of your friends are bothering to answer your phone calls and those that do are not helping your problems one bit. None of your positive thinking has helped, none of your scripture quoting has brought you relief, that pretty new dress you bought doesn't fit because you've gained five pounds, the car you thought so much of needs a very expensive repair, the lights are off, the water company is leaving threatening messages and your credit cards are maxed out. In other words, all the things and people you normally rely upon to bring you up are bringing you down. Here's what you do.
Have that pint of ice cream. The body is seeking chemical remedy to its feeling 'down'. Your body knows, and you instinctively know, that that ice cream cone, cookie, brownie or bag of potato chips will cause a sugar rush which will help you temporarily feel 'up.' For that moment, at least, you will feel better and that may be all you need to get through that hour or that moment of need.
Watch that sad, old tear-jerker of a movie and cry, cry, cry. You probably have been bottling up your emotions anyway. You'll feel much better after crying over Lana Turner's remorse over not acknowledging her mother in 'Imitation of Life' or Michelle Pfieffer's loss of Robert Redford in 'Up Close and Personal.' Release is a wonderful thing and your body will appreciate its opportunity to vent some repressed emotion.
Go ahead and lay in bed all day. You were probably tired anyway and too busy 'multi-tasking' to notice. Your body is a finely tuned instrument that needs fine care and attention. How have you been treating yourself lately?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Some people call the state of mind accompanying this day 'depression' or are content to simply think of it as 'having a bad day'. Sometimes there are logical explanations - you failed to get a good night's sleep, or you're going through difficulties, problems, or are in the midst of a bad situation. Sometimes the root of your bad day can be found in a negative morning experience - you just had an argument with your spouse or one of your kids. Mostly, though, these days seem to strike at will and we don't understand how or why they have entered our lives.
What do you do at these times? How do you handle the 'bad' days? What are good strategies to make these days go away or, at the very least, lessen the pain, confusion and drama associated with them?
It is true that some days seemed destined to go wrong from the very beginning. We wake up in a lousy mood, we go to the bathroom and discover we are out of toothpaste. Our son or daughter has eaten the last of our favorite breakfast cereal. We're late to work because the dog got loose. Our kids forgot to tell us that today they are to be dropped off at a different location to go on a school trip. Someone is sick. You are sick. You are sick of your job. Your car isn't acting right. Your mother isn't acting right. Your boss is getting on your nerves. Your co-workers are talking too loudly. No one around there wants to do a full day's work. Too many people are doing a full day's work.
Your mate has left you. You have left your mate. You don't know where the money will come from to pay your bills. You can't keep track of how many bills you need to pay. You need to run 20 different errands, but your boss won't let you take an extended lunch hour. You need to speak with your boss, but she has taken a two hour lunch. You are dealing with the death of a loved one. You are dealing with the death of your identity as a young person or as a single person. Life has changed. You have changed. And the numerous problems, obligations and responsibilities you will face in a given day are doing nothing to make the situation better.
The key to dealing with this kind of day (or week or month) is to remember that it's only temporary. No matter how bad it is, it will eventually be over. You will eventually get the money to turn the lights back on, your boss will eventually return from her lunch, you will eventually get used to being newly single. And, no matter how annoyed or frustrated you are at a given moment, that too will pass. The problem will remedy itself, your moodiness will take its leave and life will return to normal. Even if you are dealing with an ongoing problem, remember, soon, it will be over! It may not seem like it, you may not be able to see any light at the end of any tunnel, you may feel like your life is one big mess, and that this problem will never end, but none of these things is true. This problem, too, at some point or another, will pass.
Though this day or this week has been terrible, the problem itself is only temporary. And, for a temporary problem, you need a temporary remedy. It does you no good to hear you should 'be of good cheer' when there is no internal cheer to be found. It's no point in pretending to be sitting on top of the world when you are in fact at the bottom of a ditch. When you feel down, you need to find something to address that feeling, right then.
We all know the prescription for a healthy life - pray, eat healthy foods, exercise, maintain a good weight, etc., etc. We probably know the calorie or carbohydrate count for all our favorite foods and can all quote the recommended 30 minutes of daily exercise that we are supposed to be getting. These, however, are long-term solutions to your mental, spiritual and physical health. Right now you need something that will get you through right now. Today. With the hope that tomorrow will be better.
Today you feel miserable. Today you can't remember why you got married, why you got divorced, why you had kids, why you put off having kids, why you quit your job, how you can stand to be at your job for one more minute, etc., etc. Today you have had enough. None of your positive affirmations are working - you feel more like the tail than the head, none of your friends are bothering to answer your phone calls and those that do are not helping your problems one bit. None of your positive thinking has helped, none of your scripture quoting has brought you relief, that pretty new dress you bought doesn't fit because you've gained five pounds, the car you thought so much of needs a very expensive repair, the lights are off, the water company is leaving threatening messages and your credit cards are maxed out. In other words, all the things and people you normally rely upon to bring you up are bringing you down. Here's what you do.
Have that pint of ice cream. The body is seeking chemical remedy to its feeling 'down'. Your body knows, and you instinctively know, that that ice cream cone, cookie, brownie or bag of potato chips will cause a sugar rush which will help you temporarily feel 'up.' For that moment, at least, you will feel better and that may be all you need to get through that hour or that moment of need.
Watch that sad, old tear-jerker of a movie and cry, cry, cry. You probably have been bottling up your emotions anyway. You'll feel much better after crying over Lana Turner's remorse over not acknowledging her mother in 'Imitation of Life' or Michelle Pfieffer's loss of Robert Redford in 'Up Close and Personal.' Release is a wonderful thing and your body will appreciate its opportunity to vent some repressed emotion.
Go ahead and lay in bed all day. You were probably tired anyway and too busy 'multi-tasking' to notice. Your body is a finely tuned instrument that needs fine care and attention. How have you been treating yourself lately?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/8/06
Self-Absorption (Part 2)
Part 1
It's Not About You
Life is not all about you. It never has been nor will it ever be. If you were lucky enough to be lavished with attention as a child or the center of your parent's universe, cherish those memories, because that's the last time you will ever feel that way! If you are lucky enough to have a spouse, friend or relative who thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, cherish them, show them your love and appreciation in tangible ways and acknowledge all the goodness they have brought to your life. 99% of the people you meet in life will not think that way, so make sure you value those who do. And, an even better strategy to receiving love is this - instead of waiting for someone to make you the 'love' of his or her life, make someone the 'love' of your life. Shower that person with kindness, gifts or attention. Celebrate that person. Celebrate who they are and what they are all about. If that person likes to shop, remember sales you have seen or pick things up for that person when you're at the mall. If that person loves dolphins, make sure you find a dolphin card, ring or pendant to give them often as gifts. Make a special effort to remember birthdays or other special days in that person's life. This person could be your mother, your best friend, a co-worker, or someone that you see at church. Anybody! And here's an extra bonus - by showing open-ended love to someone else, you open them up to showing that kind of love to someone else. And for that someone else to show that kind of love to someone else. And the love you have shown will continue to grow.
Be A Light
Practice showing kindness to your friends, neighbors and co-workers. Spend the day saying 'Good Morning', 'Good Afternoon' and 'Good Evening' to everyone you see. When you ask someone 'how are you' actually listen to the response. When people send you verbal clues about their interests ('I went fishing this weekend') follow up on that with some other questions. Like, 'Where did you go?', 'What type of fish did you find?', or 'Did you catch anything'? You might, for the first time, find out that your co-worker is a widower and that he spent that weekend alone with his only son. Or that he is a champion fisher and was featured on a local tv program. In any case, it brings you closer to him and, especially in the case of those that are unsaved, it brings them closer to God.
And that is the greatest crime we sometimes commit as Christians - failing to show the un-churched or unsaved the saving love of Jesus Christ! We are many people's only connection to God! If we can't show them what a true relationship with God looks like, where the heck do you think they are going to get that information?
Be a light in your community. Always Remember others in your prayers. Pray for people you know. Pray for our leaders. Pray for your church. Pray for people who work with you. Pray for people who don't know God. Practice random acts of kindness. Say hello and good morning to everyone you meet. Make sure you are smiling when other people are frowning. Show concern and be involved in a life other than your own. Extend yourself beyond the realm of your friends, family and co-workers. Reach out and make a difference in someone else's life. And stop, stop, stop thinking about yourself all the time. Your hair looks fine. Your car looks great. Your weight is unchanged. Your wife and kids are impressive. You are okay. So move on.
And if you can't stop thinking about yourself - let me give you different set of criteria: How is your spiritual life? How is your walk with God? What difference have you made in another person's life? How many people can call you friend or point to something you did for them that changed their lives? How many people have you introduced to God? To how many people have you shown the Love of God? What great thing did you do in your life that benefited others? What great thing have you done today?
Life is not all about you. Make your life about serving God through serving others. The rewards will be great. And this, in the end, will make your life worth living.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
It's Not About You
Life is not all about you. It never has been nor will it ever be. If you were lucky enough to be lavished with attention as a child or the center of your parent's universe, cherish those memories, because that's the last time you will ever feel that way! If you are lucky enough to have a spouse, friend or relative who thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, cherish them, show them your love and appreciation in tangible ways and acknowledge all the goodness they have brought to your life. 99% of the people you meet in life will not think that way, so make sure you value those who do. And, an even better strategy to receiving love is this - instead of waiting for someone to make you the 'love' of his or her life, make someone the 'love' of your life. Shower that person with kindness, gifts or attention. Celebrate that person. Celebrate who they are and what they are all about. If that person likes to shop, remember sales you have seen or pick things up for that person when you're at the mall. If that person loves dolphins, make sure you find a dolphin card, ring or pendant to give them often as gifts. Make a special effort to remember birthdays or other special days in that person's life. This person could be your mother, your best friend, a co-worker, or someone that you see at church. Anybody! And here's an extra bonus - by showing open-ended love to someone else, you open them up to showing that kind of love to someone else. And for that someone else to show that kind of love to someone else. And the love you have shown will continue to grow.
Be A Light
Practice showing kindness to your friends, neighbors and co-workers. Spend the day saying 'Good Morning', 'Good Afternoon' and 'Good Evening' to everyone you see. When you ask someone 'how are you' actually listen to the response. When people send you verbal clues about their interests ('I went fishing this weekend') follow up on that with some other questions. Like, 'Where did you go?', 'What type of fish did you find?', or 'Did you catch anything'? You might, for the first time, find out that your co-worker is a widower and that he spent that weekend alone with his only son. Or that he is a champion fisher and was featured on a local tv program. In any case, it brings you closer to him and, especially in the case of those that are unsaved, it brings them closer to God.
And that is the greatest crime we sometimes commit as Christians - failing to show the un-churched or unsaved the saving love of Jesus Christ! We are many people's only connection to God! If we can't show them what a true relationship with God looks like, where the heck do you think they are going to get that information?
Be a light in your community. Always Remember others in your prayers. Pray for people you know. Pray for our leaders. Pray for your church. Pray for people who work with you. Pray for people who don't know God. Practice random acts of kindness. Say hello and good morning to everyone you meet. Make sure you are smiling when other people are frowning. Show concern and be involved in a life other than your own. Extend yourself beyond the realm of your friends, family and co-workers. Reach out and make a difference in someone else's life. And stop, stop, stop thinking about yourself all the time. Your hair looks fine. Your car looks great. Your weight is unchanged. Your wife and kids are impressive. You are okay. So move on.
And if you can't stop thinking about yourself - let me give you different set of criteria: How is your spiritual life? How is your walk with God? What difference have you made in another person's life? How many people can call you friend or point to something you did for them that changed their lives? How many people have you introduced to God? To how many people have you shown the Love of God? What great thing did you do in your life that benefited others? What great thing have you done today?
Life is not all about you. Make your life about serving God through serving others. The rewards will be great. And this, in the end, will make your life worth living.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Self Absoprtion (Part 1)
Part 2
Self Absorbed
I was on my way to write this posting when I got caught up in thinking about what I would say. How would I frame my questions to tickle the reader's mind? Was I capable of displaying enough insight and wisdom to write this article? What would my mother think? Why attempt to do such a tough piece, anyway? Nobody would want to read such a thing, perhaps I should strive for something lighter. Then people would like me more. And that would be nice…..And so on and so forth, my mind chattered away at me.
Self-absorption. It is an ugly thing. Especially when it's you. It's much easier to point the finger at others instead of looking squarely at the content of your own soul. The first paragraph offers a perfect example of self-centered thinking. Who was I thinking about in writing this entry? Was it you, dear reader, struggling to cope with your own personal issues, struggles and trials? Or myself? The answer is clear - it was all about me. This article is designed to serve notice and focus attention on the self-absorbed monster that is alive and living in all of us. It is an acknowledgement of the struggle we each must undergo to leave the 'me' behind in an effort to become part of the larger 'we'. It is also a re-statement of our need to focus on others and not be lured into the all too seductive realm of self.
What Is Self-Absorption?
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary and Thesaurus defines self-absorption simply as 'preoccupation with oneself.' We all do it. How do I look? What do you think of my new ride? What can I do to improve myself? How do I feel about what just happened? That lady got on my nerves so bad. Why doesn't my partner care more about how I feel? When is this service going to be over? - I'm bored. Why is that person shouting so loud? - I can't even focus on service. And on and on.
And the endless beseeching of God to meet our needs: Lord, why do I have to go through so many trials? Don't You still love me? Why is it that people who don't even know You seem to be happier than me? I need a new car, Lord, you promised that You would pour out the riches in heaven, so where is it? Lord, I need a new house, this house is too small for me and the kids. Lord, I need a blessing. You promised me a blessing, and I need it now. Please, Lord, take care of me. Provide for me. Give me. Pay attention to me. Please. Lord, me…me, me, me, me me. Are you listening, Lord?
Signs of Self-Absorption
Self-absorption includes zoning out, daydreaming, being non-communicative, sleeping excessively, eating excessively, retreating into yourself for long periods of time, not returning phone calls, calling because you have a problem, giving only to those who give to you, putting yourself and your needs above everyone else's. All the time. Every day. Day after day after day. Getting what you want out of a relationship. Being demanding. Being passive. Being whatever it takes to get your mate's attention. Having unrealistic and rigid expectations of others. Thinking you are the center of everyone else's universe. Your thoughts, your mind, your friends, your calling, your weight loss plan, your ministry, your pastor, your church, you, you, you and more of you.
Who do you think about when you wake up first thing in the morning? Is it yourself and your needs and wants for that day? When you pray in the morning (if you pray), what do you pray about? Lord, I need or Lord, please help someone else? Lord, provide me with, or Lord, please make provision for us all? Is it me, mine and my own or we, us and ours?
Let's Make A Change!
I can't condemn us for our attitudes, because then I must condemn myself. Instead, I challenge each of us to make a change! Right here! Today! I challenge each us to make our lives about something other than ourselves, our family, our friends and our things. It says in the Bible that even sinners show kindness to those who love them. That's easy! It's much harder to extend ourselves beyond our circle of friends, family and well-wishers. What about showing love to a racist or sexist person who has no love for you? What about showing love to the neighborhood homeless person (you see him every day!)? How about calling someone just to see how they are (and actually meaning it) instead of calling to tell them how you are? How about visiting your grandmother in the nursing home not because of the money you expect to get when she dies, but because she is a human being and deserves to be shown love? Why don't you reach out to that one person at church that nobody likes and say hello or invite him or her to lunch or dinner? Not because it'll make you more popular or well thought of, but because that person needs someone to show him or her that kind of love.
In other words, make your life more about serving other people than about serving yourself. I'm not suggesting that you fail to take care of yourself or that it's wrong to focus attention on yourself on a regular basis, but it is wrong to use all your energies, all the time, in pursuit of your own personal vanity. Choose to focus on other people, on their problems, on their concerns and what you can do, as a Christian, to help to eliminate or lessen those problems, issues and concerns.
Technorati Tags:
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Self Absorbed
I was on my way to write this posting when I got caught up in thinking about what I would say. How would I frame my questions to tickle the reader's mind? Was I capable of displaying enough insight and wisdom to write this article? What would my mother think? Why attempt to do such a tough piece, anyway? Nobody would want to read such a thing, perhaps I should strive for something lighter. Then people would like me more. And that would be nice…..And so on and so forth, my mind chattered away at me.
Self-absorption. It is an ugly thing. Especially when it's you. It's much easier to point the finger at others instead of looking squarely at the content of your own soul. The first paragraph offers a perfect example of self-centered thinking. Who was I thinking about in writing this entry? Was it you, dear reader, struggling to cope with your own personal issues, struggles and trials? Or myself? The answer is clear - it was all about me. This article is designed to serve notice and focus attention on the self-absorbed monster that is alive and living in all of us. It is an acknowledgement of the struggle we each must undergo to leave the 'me' behind in an effort to become part of the larger 'we'. It is also a re-statement of our need to focus on others and not be lured into the all too seductive realm of self.
What Is Self-Absorption?
Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary and Thesaurus defines self-absorption simply as 'preoccupation with oneself.' We all do it. How do I look? What do you think of my new ride? What can I do to improve myself? How do I feel about what just happened? That lady got on my nerves so bad. Why doesn't my partner care more about how I feel? When is this service going to be over? - I'm bored. Why is that person shouting so loud? - I can't even focus on service. And on and on.
And the endless beseeching of God to meet our needs: Lord, why do I have to go through so many trials? Don't You still love me? Why is it that people who don't even know You seem to be happier than me? I need a new car, Lord, you promised that You would pour out the riches in heaven, so where is it? Lord, I need a new house, this house is too small for me and the kids. Lord, I need a blessing. You promised me a blessing, and I need it now. Please, Lord, take care of me. Provide for me. Give me. Pay attention to me. Please. Lord, me…me, me, me, me me. Are you listening, Lord?
Signs of Self-Absorption
Self-absorption includes zoning out, daydreaming, being non-communicative, sleeping excessively, eating excessively, retreating into yourself for long periods of time, not returning phone calls, calling because you have a problem, giving only to those who give to you, putting yourself and your needs above everyone else's. All the time. Every day. Day after day after day. Getting what you want out of a relationship. Being demanding. Being passive. Being whatever it takes to get your mate's attention. Having unrealistic and rigid expectations of others. Thinking you are the center of everyone else's universe. Your thoughts, your mind, your friends, your calling, your weight loss plan, your ministry, your pastor, your church, you, you, you and more of you.
Who do you think about when you wake up first thing in the morning? Is it yourself and your needs and wants for that day? When you pray in the morning (if you pray), what do you pray about? Lord, I need or Lord, please help someone else? Lord, provide me with, or Lord, please make provision for us all? Is it me, mine and my own or we, us and ours?
Let's Make A Change!
I can't condemn us for our attitudes, because then I must condemn myself. Instead, I challenge each of us to make a change! Right here! Today! I challenge each us to make our lives about something other than ourselves, our family, our friends and our things. It says in the Bible that even sinners show kindness to those who love them. That's easy! It's much harder to extend ourselves beyond our circle of friends, family and well-wishers. What about showing love to a racist or sexist person who has no love for you? What about showing love to the neighborhood homeless person (you see him every day!)? How about calling someone just to see how they are (and actually meaning it) instead of calling to tell them how you are? How about visiting your grandmother in the nursing home not because of the money you expect to get when she dies, but because she is a human being and deserves to be shown love? Why don't you reach out to that one person at church that nobody likes and say hello or invite him or her to lunch or dinner? Not because it'll make you more popular or well thought of, but because that person needs someone to show him or her that kind of love.
In other words, make your life more about serving other people than about serving yourself. I'm not suggesting that you fail to take care of yourself or that it's wrong to focus attention on yourself on a regular basis, but it is wrong to use all your energies, all the time, in pursuit of your own personal vanity. Choose to focus on other people, on their problems, on their concerns and what you can do, as a Christian, to help to eliminate or lessen those problems, issues and concerns.
Technorati Tags:
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/5/06
Find Your Own True Happiness! (Part 7)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Part 6: Happiness - Putting it all Together
Do what you need to do in order to get some insight into yourself. Go into therapy if you need to. Take long walks and meditate on it and talk to God. Find a trusted friend and talk to him or her. Spend a week alone somewhere by yourself. It's okay, your life will be right there waiting for you when you get back. Whatever you need to do to get down to the nitty-gritty, root issues haunting you life, just do it! It's more important that you take time to get yourself to know yourself now than anything else in your life (after, of course, committing yourself to God!). You can't help anyone if you haven't helped yourself. Look at all the areas in your life that you need to fix or change and make those changes happen! Position yourself to be in the job, city or calling for which you are suited and which most pleases your inner desires. And enjoy those things. And then 'happiness' will come. Just when you stop looking for it. Trust me.
Last of all, remember to enjoy the little things. The sun is shining! The snow is falling! You still have two limbs upon which to walk! You have a great wheelchair with all the bells and whistles! You still have your mind! You still have most of your mind! You still have friends! You have one good friend! You have yourself! You are still alive and able to take advantage of the multitude of opportunities that life has to offer! Think on these things. The bible says 'whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4)' And the God of peace will be with you.
And, as hard as it may seem sometimes, think about something positive instead of automatically thinking something negative. When your mind says, 'I hate this job', think, 'Thank God that I have a job to complain about.' When your mind says, 'I wish I was driving a Mercedes SL 500', think, 'I'm so grateful my car takes me where I need to go'. And enjoy your life, in each small, individual segment. Life is not all about the big, grandiose moments (those are few and far between). Life is about getting up in the morning and combing your hair and saying hello to your neighbors and putting oil in your car and getting caught in traffic and shopping for clothing. Life is right here and right now. And it happens every single day, every single minute, every single second. Take advantage of it. Enjoy it. Because you will never, ever get an opportunity to appreciate that moment again.
True happiness comes from within. You will not find it in a job, a man or woman, your mother or father or your children. It is not waiting for you when you lose 10 pounds, or move to Florida or are earning a million plus dollars. It is right now, right here, inside of you, waiting for you to discover it. It cannot be earned, it cannot be taken away, it simply is. Open yourself up to it and to the power of God and it will be yours today!
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Happiness
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Part 6: Happiness - Putting it all Together
Do what you need to do in order to get some insight into yourself. Go into therapy if you need to. Take long walks and meditate on it and talk to God. Find a trusted friend and talk to him or her. Spend a week alone somewhere by yourself. It's okay, your life will be right there waiting for you when you get back. Whatever you need to do to get down to the nitty-gritty, root issues haunting you life, just do it! It's more important that you take time to get yourself to know yourself now than anything else in your life (after, of course, committing yourself to God!). You can't help anyone if you haven't helped yourself. Look at all the areas in your life that you need to fix or change and make those changes happen! Position yourself to be in the job, city or calling for which you are suited and which most pleases your inner desires. And enjoy those things. And then 'happiness' will come. Just when you stop looking for it. Trust me.
Last of all, remember to enjoy the little things. The sun is shining! The snow is falling! You still have two limbs upon which to walk! You have a great wheelchair with all the bells and whistles! You still have your mind! You still have most of your mind! You still have friends! You have one good friend! You have yourself! You are still alive and able to take advantage of the multitude of opportunities that life has to offer! Think on these things. The bible says 'whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4)' And the God of peace will be with you.
And, as hard as it may seem sometimes, think about something positive instead of automatically thinking something negative. When your mind says, 'I hate this job', think, 'Thank God that I have a job to complain about.' When your mind says, 'I wish I was driving a Mercedes SL 500', think, 'I'm so grateful my car takes me where I need to go'. And enjoy your life, in each small, individual segment. Life is not all about the big, grandiose moments (those are few and far between). Life is about getting up in the morning and combing your hair and saying hello to your neighbors and putting oil in your car and getting caught in traffic and shopping for clothing. Life is right here and right now. And it happens every single day, every single minute, every single second. Take advantage of it. Enjoy it. Because you will never, ever get an opportunity to appreciate that moment again.
True happiness comes from within. You will not find it in a job, a man or woman, your mother or father or your children. It is not waiting for you when you lose 10 pounds, or move to Florida or are earning a million plus dollars. It is right now, right here, inside of you, waiting for you to discover it. It cannot be earned, it cannot be taken away, it simply is. Open yourself up to it and to the power of God and it will be yours today!
Technorati tags:
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Happiness
Happiness - Putting it all Together (Part 6)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Now, let's go back to our first two exercises. In the first one, you thought about all the activities you are involved in. Think again about the ones you dread, hate or are just plain tired of. List them in your mind. Now - eliminate them. Don't feel guilty - it's time for a change! Console yourself with the realization that you were not doing a good job anyway. Everyone could tell how much you hated it (trust me) and all you probably did was bring everybody else down as well as yourself. You are doing them a favor by becoming uninvolved. Now, recall those things you actually enjoy. Got 'em in your mind? Okay - do them. Then find more ways to use those things to help other people. Enjoy singing? Continue singing in the church choir and maybe at a senior citizen's home or in more state or national conventions. Bless others with your gift. Enjoy writing? Continue writing for yourself, but branch out to write positive and uplifting letters to others or write uplifting poems, plays or skits that will help other people feel better about themselves or their lives. Enjoy riding a bike? Find other people who are not as skilled as you and bring them along. Start a bike riding club and reach out to people who are lonely or are trying to lose weight, or, anyone! Keep doing what you enjoy for yourself, but make sure you reach out to include other people in those activities as well. Focusing on helping others increases your own happiness exponentially! Even if you can't help everyone, you can certainly reach out to at least one person.
Next, let's revisit the second exercise, where you thought about what happiness meant to you. What came to mind when you visualized 'happiness'? A better car, a brand-new house, or a new (or better-acting!) spouse? A dream vacation or job? Intangibles, like greater faith, greater hope, more trust in God? I hope that a better relationship with God and greater spiritual growth were items on that list, because everything else will only bring you temporary satisfaction. Let me tell you a hard-won truth - having a lot of money, a good man or woman, a great job or a brand new car are not the keys to happiness. Those things are great, but they are not 'it'. Simple truth - if you are not happy with yourself and who you are right now, no thing and no person will bring you that satisfaction. Studies have shown that once a person reaches a financial level where all basic needs are met, satisfaction only increases incrementally. But you already know this. Think back to when you started your first job. You're probably living much better now than then - you've bought or are renting a nice place, you have more than two suits to your name, you have a few 'toys', and you've traveled to a few exotic places. But you're not any happier than you were then (unless you've built a relationship with God). And none of these 'things' has had the power to give you more than a very temporary satisfaction. You need to be happy with yourself. First. And that will translate to greater satisfaction with your friends, your family, your job and your chosen profession.
So - now you get a chance to work on yourself! Since you have to fix yourself first in order to attain true happiness, take time now and do it. Find out what that gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, your bad attitude, your longing to 'get away from it all' is really all about. Did you have a tough childhood and need to deal with some unresolved anger or pain? Are you still angry at your dad for abandoning your family when you were little? Do you feel dissatisfied because you never finished college or are stuck in a low-paying, unfulfilling job? Did you settle for being a lawyer, when you really wanted to be an entrepreneurial wizard? Who are you living your life trying to please? You or all the people around you who have so much to say about what you choose to do? Focus on yourself. Figure out what you really need to feel a deep-seated sense of satisfaction in your life. Focus on those things that you can change. Re-evaluate your life in terms of what's important to you. Pray about it. In the Bible, it says to 'delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart (Psalms 37:4)' That means that not only will He give you what you desire, He will place His own desires in your heart. He will give you those desires that most please Him. Trust me. If you ask Him, He will.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
Part 5: True Happiness
Now, let's go back to our first two exercises. In the first one, you thought about all the activities you are involved in. Think again about the ones you dread, hate or are just plain tired of. List them in your mind. Now - eliminate them. Don't feel guilty - it's time for a change! Console yourself with the realization that you were not doing a good job anyway. Everyone could tell how much you hated it (trust me) and all you probably did was bring everybody else down as well as yourself. You are doing them a favor by becoming uninvolved. Now, recall those things you actually enjoy. Got 'em in your mind? Okay - do them. Then find more ways to use those things to help other people. Enjoy singing? Continue singing in the church choir and maybe at a senior citizen's home or in more state or national conventions. Bless others with your gift. Enjoy writing? Continue writing for yourself, but branch out to write positive and uplifting letters to others or write uplifting poems, plays or skits that will help other people feel better about themselves or their lives. Enjoy riding a bike? Find other people who are not as skilled as you and bring them along. Start a bike riding club and reach out to people who are lonely or are trying to lose weight, or, anyone! Keep doing what you enjoy for yourself, but make sure you reach out to include other people in those activities as well. Focusing on helping others increases your own happiness exponentially! Even if you can't help everyone, you can certainly reach out to at least one person.
Next, let's revisit the second exercise, where you thought about what happiness meant to you. What came to mind when you visualized 'happiness'? A better car, a brand-new house, or a new (or better-acting!) spouse? A dream vacation or job? Intangibles, like greater faith, greater hope, more trust in God? I hope that a better relationship with God and greater spiritual growth were items on that list, because everything else will only bring you temporary satisfaction. Let me tell you a hard-won truth - having a lot of money, a good man or woman, a great job or a brand new car are not the keys to happiness. Those things are great, but they are not 'it'. Simple truth - if you are not happy with yourself and who you are right now, no thing and no person will bring you that satisfaction. Studies have shown that once a person reaches a financial level where all basic needs are met, satisfaction only increases incrementally. But you already know this. Think back to when you started your first job. You're probably living much better now than then - you've bought or are renting a nice place, you have more than two suits to your name, you have a few 'toys', and you've traveled to a few exotic places. But you're not any happier than you were then (unless you've built a relationship with God). And none of these 'things' has had the power to give you more than a very temporary satisfaction. You need to be happy with yourself. First. And that will translate to greater satisfaction with your friends, your family, your job and your chosen profession.
So - now you get a chance to work on yourself! Since you have to fix yourself first in order to attain true happiness, take time now and do it. Find out what that gnawing sense of dissatisfaction, your bad attitude, your longing to 'get away from it all' is really all about. Did you have a tough childhood and need to deal with some unresolved anger or pain? Are you still angry at your dad for abandoning your family when you were little? Do you feel dissatisfied because you never finished college or are stuck in a low-paying, unfulfilling job? Did you settle for being a lawyer, when you really wanted to be an entrepreneurial wizard? Who are you living your life trying to please? You or all the people around you who have so much to say about what you choose to do? Focus on yourself. Figure out what you really need to feel a deep-seated sense of satisfaction in your life. Focus on those things that you can change. Re-evaluate your life in terms of what's important to you. Pray about it. In the Bible, it says to 'delight thyself also in the Lord, and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart (Psalms 37:4)' That means that not only will He give you what you desire, He will place His own desires in your heart. He will give you those desires that most please Him. Trust me. If you ask Him, He will.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/3/06
True Happiness (Part 5)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
And that is the first real clue to happiness. Frances found happiness for herself. True happiness comes from within. Within yourself, within the context of having a relationship with God. With having a busy, active and fulfilling life. With the value and care you give to the 'little' things as well as the big life events. The Bible tells us that a person is happy when he or she reads the bible and meditates on the Word 'day and night.' That does not mean reading a scripture a day, a chapter a day or a book a day. Yes, it means to read the Bible, but, more importantly, it means to know the Bible. It means to become intimately familiar with it, think often about what you have read and then apply it your own life.
It's not enough to know that you are to be 'anxious for nothing' and to 'let your requests be made known unto God' and the 'peace of God…shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil 4)' - you have to actually do it! In other words, don't worry, give your cares over to God and allow His peace to settle down upon you! It's not enough to hear Jesus invite us to 'abide' in him and him in us (John 15) - you actually have to do it. Further down in this same scripture, Jesus reminds us that 'without me ye can do nothing.' That seems pretty clear to me - Without him, we can do nothing! So, first things first - nurture your relationship with God and it will nurture you.
The second step is to enjoy the comfort and love that God has provided and stop relying so much on other people to provide it to you. Yes, it would be nice if your kids appreciated all that you had done for them or your husband or wife would say "thank you" for working so hard or cooking such great meals or your boss would acknowledge all the extra hours you put in at work, but how likely is that? Yes, you do a lot for other people and it would be nice to be acknowledged, but you can't depend on that acknowledgement. True acknowledgement, validation, comfort and security come from within. We've already taken the most important step and become connected with God and He is right there, in us, ready and waiting and able to give is what we need to sustain ourselves, find inspiration, lead and guide us and love us unconditionally.
Do you ever think about how much time you spend expecting, demanding or being disappointed in the quality of love you receive from other people? Many times, you are expecting things from people who are not even capable of giving you what you need. A father who will not, cannot, commit his time to his children. Friends who do not or cannot take the time to listen to your problems (even after they spend hours telling you theirs). Children who are more concerned about impressing their friends than expressing gratitude for the meals you have provided or the love, care and concern you have invested in them over the years. Most people are so caught up in their own cares, their own problems, their own lives and do not, and in many cases cannot, show you the type of love you so desperately need.
The solution is simple: Stop depending on others for what you already have within yourself. Tap into what God has already given you and use that Love to give love to others. Turn that dynamic around - instead of expecting love or attention from other people, give it to other people. You will find two things happening as a result of this: 1) You will be sustained from an Eternal and Never-Ending Source and will not be so needy yourself; and 2) you will automatically receive love and care from other people as you give love out freely. You get what you give (you reap what you sow) and if all you've given people are a list of expectations and obligations, then that's what you're going to get back. Receive love from God. Love yourself. Give love to others. Receive love. That's how it ought to work. So give it a try.
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Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice, Happiness
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
Part 4: Journey To Happiness
And that is the first real clue to happiness. Frances found happiness for herself. True happiness comes from within. Within yourself, within the context of having a relationship with God. With having a busy, active and fulfilling life. With the value and care you give to the 'little' things as well as the big life events. The Bible tells us that a person is happy when he or she reads the bible and meditates on the Word 'day and night.' That does not mean reading a scripture a day, a chapter a day or a book a day. Yes, it means to read the Bible, but, more importantly, it means to know the Bible. It means to become intimately familiar with it, think often about what you have read and then apply it your own life.
It's not enough to know that you are to be 'anxious for nothing' and to 'let your requests be made known unto God' and the 'peace of God…shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (Phil 4)' - you have to actually do it! In other words, don't worry, give your cares over to God and allow His peace to settle down upon you! It's not enough to hear Jesus invite us to 'abide' in him and him in us (John 15) - you actually have to do it. Further down in this same scripture, Jesus reminds us that 'without me ye can do nothing.' That seems pretty clear to me - Without him, we can do nothing! So, first things first - nurture your relationship with God and it will nurture you.
The second step is to enjoy the comfort and love that God has provided and stop relying so much on other people to provide it to you. Yes, it would be nice if your kids appreciated all that you had done for them or your husband or wife would say "thank you" for working so hard or cooking such great meals or your boss would acknowledge all the extra hours you put in at work, but how likely is that? Yes, you do a lot for other people and it would be nice to be acknowledged, but you can't depend on that acknowledgement. True acknowledgement, validation, comfort and security come from within. We've already taken the most important step and become connected with God and He is right there, in us, ready and waiting and able to give is what we need to sustain ourselves, find inspiration, lead and guide us and love us unconditionally.
Do you ever think about how much time you spend expecting, demanding or being disappointed in the quality of love you receive from other people? Many times, you are expecting things from people who are not even capable of giving you what you need. A father who will not, cannot, commit his time to his children. Friends who do not or cannot take the time to listen to your problems (even after they spend hours telling you theirs). Children who are more concerned about impressing their friends than expressing gratitude for the meals you have provided or the love, care and concern you have invested in them over the years. Most people are so caught up in their own cares, their own problems, their own lives and do not, and in many cases cannot, show you the type of love you so desperately need.
The solution is simple: Stop depending on others for what you already have within yourself. Tap into what God has already given you and use that Love to give love to others. Turn that dynamic around - instead of expecting love or attention from other people, give it to other people. You will find two things happening as a result of this: 1) You will be sustained from an Eternal and Never-Ending Source and will not be so needy yourself; and 2) you will automatically receive love and care from other people as you give love out freely. You get what you give (you reap what you sow) and if all you've given people are a list of expectations and obligations, then that's what you're going to get back. Receive love from God. Love yourself. Give love to others. Receive love. That's how it ought to work. So give it a try.
Technorati Tags:
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice, Happiness
Journey To Happiness (Part 4)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
There is a great movie that came out that I would recommend to anyone seeking to discover true happiness. It is 'Under the Tuscan Sun' and it stars Diane Lane as Frances, a newly-divorced, shell-shocked woman trying to find herself. In the movie, Frances goes through a painful divorce, precipitated by her husband leaving her for another woman. She is distraught and upset and decides to 'get away from it all' by going on a trip to Italy. While on this trip, she comes across a lovely old home for sale in Tuscany. It is a charming house, though somewhat in a state of disrepair and, out of boredom, she decides to venture into the house and take a look around. As she looks around, something about the house simply charms her and she makes an offer for it right on the spot.
After a bit of back and forth with the owner, the house is hers! With all its attendant problems, repairs to be done and lack of adequate facilities. But it's hers. Her friends think she's crazy, she even doubts her own sanity at times, but she perseveres. She hires contractors to fix up the house and begins to make the house and village her own. She makes friends with the neighbors, pours boatloads of money into the endless repairs the house needs and even bravely embarks on a romance with a gentleman she meets on a whim. To make a long story short, her romance is cut (very) short and she is left heartbroken. She then begins to focus her life on helping a pregnant friend that has come to stay with her and facilitating a romance between one of her repairmen and the neighbor's daughter. At the end of the movie, while looking around at her friends and neighbors that have gathered for the wedding at her home, her eyes are finally opened to the meaning of 'true' happiness. She sees the laughter and love and family she has built for herself. Without a husband and without her own children. And she finally realizes that she already has all she ever wanted. Only then, in the last frames of the movie, does she meet the man of her dreams and presumably goes on to live happily ever after. Only after she had already found happiness for herself.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy?
There is a great movie that came out that I would recommend to anyone seeking to discover true happiness. It is 'Under the Tuscan Sun' and it stars Diane Lane as Frances, a newly-divorced, shell-shocked woman trying to find herself. In the movie, Frances goes through a painful divorce, precipitated by her husband leaving her for another woman. She is distraught and upset and decides to 'get away from it all' by going on a trip to Italy. While on this trip, she comes across a lovely old home for sale in Tuscany. It is a charming house, though somewhat in a state of disrepair and, out of boredom, she decides to venture into the house and take a look around. As she looks around, something about the house simply charms her and she makes an offer for it right on the spot.
After a bit of back and forth with the owner, the house is hers! With all its attendant problems, repairs to be done and lack of adequate facilities. But it's hers. Her friends think she's crazy, she even doubts her own sanity at times, but she perseveres. She hires contractors to fix up the house and begins to make the house and village her own. She makes friends with the neighbors, pours boatloads of money into the endless repairs the house needs and even bravely embarks on a romance with a gentleman she meets on a whim. To make a long story short, her romance is cut (very) short and she is left heartbroken. She then begins to focus her life on helping a pregnant friend that has come to stay with her and facilitating a romance between one of her repairmen and the neighbor's daughter. At the end of the movie, while looking around at her friends and neighbors that have gathered for the wedding at her home, her eyes are finally opened to the meaning of 'true' happiness. She sees the laughter and love and family she has built for herself. Without a husband and without her own children. And she finally realizes that she already has all she ever wanted. Only then, in the last frames of the movie, does she meet the man of her dreams and presumably goes on to live happily ever after. Only after she had already found happiness for herself.
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/2/06
Why Can't I Just Be.....Happy? (Part 3)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Until the day that I really needed it. That day comes for us all. You grow up in church or you're a latecomer to the whole religious experience (like I was). You go on Sundays, some Wednesdays for Bible Study and some Sunday School classes when you're feeling especially 'religious' and you learn what you can. You shout a little, find yourself yawning or zoning out from time to time and think to yourself, 'boy, that preacher sure can preach!' You tell everyone what a great time you had 'in the Lord' and how your church was jumping this past Sunday. You remember some parts of the sermons, but the main parts sometimes seem to escape your attention. You do a little bible study, memorize a few scriptures, repeat them in conversations, pray every now and then and feel that you are living the true 'Christian 'experience.'
Until the day comes when you find your shallow delight in the things of the Lord aren't enough to get you through the deep waters of your problems. When someone dies or leaves you or your friends, family or co-workers stab you in the back. When you discover your preacher wasn't all he or she said he or she was, when your eyes are opened to the seemingly random violence or cruelty in the world. When all you wanted was just to be 'happy' and now it seems impossible to even be 'okay'. When the God who is supposed to be 'more than enough' now seems to be not enough to get you through this day.
So you read a few more scriptures, go through a few more life experiences, cry a little, pray a little more and finally make a real connection to the Word of God. You begin to understand that what the Bible is talking about is real life, in the early century (then) as well as the 21st century (now). You trade in your King James Version for a New International Version so that you can actually understand what is being said and you are good to go. And still you ponder the meaning of happiness.
'Okay, Lord', you say to Him in your prayers, 'I'm not taking advice from heathens, I don't do all the same things I used to do and I don't make fun of other people (too badly). I read the bible more than I used to and I am getting some really good advice for living from it. But.' And here you pause. 'I'm still not 'happy'. And my life is still filled with problems. My kids aren't acting right, my husband or wife refuses to take an equal role of responsibility in this relationship, the bills are getting behind and that dream house, dream car or dream job seems like it will always stay right where it is - in the dream world.' In other words, you are asking, 'When do I get to just be....happy'?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Until the day that I really needed it. That day comes for us all. You grow up in church or you're a latecomer to the whole religious experience (like I was). You go on Sundays, some Wednesdays for Bible Study and some Sunday School classes when you're feeling especially 'religious' and you learn what you can. You shout a little, find yourself yawning or zoning out from time to time and think to yourself, 'boy, that preacher sure can preach!' You tell everyone what a great time you had 'in the Lord' and how your church was jumping this past Sunday. You remember some parts of the sermons, but the main parts sometimes seem to escape your attention. You do a little bible study, memorize a few scriptures, repeat them in conversations, pray every now and then and feel that you are living the true 'Christian 'experience.'
Until the day comes when you find your shallow delight in the things of the Lord aren't enough to get you through the deep waters of your problems. When someone dies or leaves you or your friends, family or co-workers stab you in the back. When you discover your preacher wasn't all he or she said he or she was, when your eyes are opened to the seemingly random violence or cruelty in the world. When all you wanted was just to be 'happy' and now it seems impossible to even be 'okay'. When the God who is supposed to be 'more than enough' now seems to be not enough to get you through this day.
So you read a few more scriptures, go through a few more life experiences, cry a little, pray a little more and finally make a real connection to the Word of God. You begin to understand that what the Bible is talking about is real life, in the early century (then) as well as the 21st century (now). You trade in your King James Version for a New International Version so that you can actually understand what is being said and you are good to go. And still you ponder the meaning of happiness.
'Okay, Lord', you say to Him in your prayers, 'I'm not taking advice from heathens, I don't do all the same things I used to do and I don't make fun of other people (too badly). I read the bible more than I used to and I am getting some really good advice for living from it. But.' And here you pause. 'I'm still not 'happy'. And my life is still filled with problems. My kids aren't acting right, my husband or wife refuses to take an equal role of responsibility in this relationship, the bills are getting behind and that dream house, dream car or dream job seems like it will always stay right where it is - in the dream world.' In other words, you are asking, 'When do I get to just be....happy'?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
5/1/06
What is Happiness? (Part 2)
Part 1: How Can You Find Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
First, we need to see what we believe about happiness. Many of us, unconsciously or consciously, don't believe we even have a right to be happy. Our mouths say one thing while our actions say another. We will say, "I just want to be happy," and then we'll stuff ourselves with fast food, choose some man or woman who doesn't care a lick about us, stay in an unfulfilling job, drop out of college, inject drugs or alcohol into our systems or wait to move out of our apartment one step ahead of the landlord kicking us out. And we ponder why we can't find 'true' happiness. My point is this - first you need to check yourself out. Try this exercise. First, think about how you are living your life. What habits, hobbies or patterns of behavior make up your life? Are they contributing to your happiness or are they taking away from it? Here is a sure way to tell - while you are doing an activity or fulfilling some obligation - how do you feel? Are you filled with excitement, anticipation and or a sense of contentment? Or do you feel dread, dismay and do everything possible to put it off, delay it or cancel it entirely? Do you call or make plans to make that activity happen or do you hide from the phone and wish that they would forget you ever joined that committee, group or exercise club? Now do this mental evaluation for every activity in which you are a part. Good. How many of those activities contribute to your happiness and how many of those activities take away from it? Make a note of those things. Now let's move on.
Now, try this exercise (this is to find out what happiness means to you). When you think of happiness, what comes to your mind? Does it mean sunny days, well-behaved children, a responsive spouse, or success in your chosen career? A shiny new car? A walk down the aisle to receive a college degree? The bright lights and acclaim of a Broadway career? Winning the 100 meter dash at the Olympics? When you think of your own personal happiness, what image comes to mind? Now, hold on to that thought. Let's go on to see what the Bible says about happiness.
The Bible's definition of happiness is simple. In Psalms 1:1-2, it says 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' Okay, modern-day translation: Blessed means 'happy', so, good, the bible is going to tell us how to be happy. 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly' - that means you are happy when you don't take the advice of those who do not know God. 'Nor standeth in the way of sinners' - you don't do the things that sinners do. 'Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful' - you don't mock or make fun of others. That's pretty easy, right? Don't take the advice of the ungodly, don't do the things that sinners do, and don't mock or make fun of others. A nice list of don'ts. But then the Bible tells you what to do to bring happiness to your life - 'But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' So, we need to read the bible, and take delight in it. And read it 'day and night' - in other words, all the time.
Now, if you're anything like me, this admonition always seemed to be pretty tough. Not only tough, but darned near impossible. Reading the bible was great, I always thought, but all the time? And take delight in it? Please. The Bible always seemed to be more a list of rules and regulations than anything that I would read for pleasure. Reading for pleasure to me meant a good romance novel, the latest edition of People or Essence or whatever new self-help book was out. But, the Bible? Come on. For one thing, it was written in some ancient, moldy language that no one could understand. And, it wasn't very relevant to what was going on right now, right here in my life, today. No 'thou shalts' or 'goeth hithers' was going to tell me what to do when my boyfriend started trippin' or my mom got on my nerves or when I wanted to curse out my boss at work. The Bible seemed to be outdated, preachy and out of touch, to say the least. That is, until the day you really need it....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
First, we need to see what we believe about happiness. Many of us, unconsciously or consciously, don't believe we even have a right to be happy. Our mouths say one thing while our actions say another. We will say, "I just want to be happy," and then we'll stuff ourselves with fast food, choose some man or woman who doesn't care a lick about us, stay in an unfulfilling job, drop out of college, inject drugs or alcohol into our systems or wait to move out of our apartment one step ahead of the landlord kicking us out. And we ponder why we can't find 'true' happiness. My point is this - first you need to check yourself out. Try this exercise. First, think about how you are living your life. What habits, hobbies or patterns of behavior make up your life? Are they contributing to your happiness or are they taking away from it? Here is a sure way to tell - while you are doing an activity or fulfilling some obligation - how do you feel? Are you filled with excitement, anticipation and or a sense of contentment? Or do you feel dread, dismay and do everything possible to put it off, delay it or cancel it entirely? Do you call or make plans to make that activity happen or do you hide from the phone and wish that they would forget you ever joined that committee, group or exercise club? Now do this mental evaluation for every activity in which you are a part. Good. How many of those activities contribute to your happiness and how many of those activities take away from it? Make a note of those things. Now let's move on.
Now, try this exercise (this is to find out what happiness means to you). When you think of happiness, what comes to your mind? Does it mean sunny days, well-behaved children, a responsive spouse, or success in your chosen career? A shiny new car? A walk down the aisle to receive a college degree? The bright lights and acclaim of a Broadway career? Winning the 100 meter dash at the Olympics? When you think of your own personal happiness, what image comes to mind? Now, hold on to that thought. Let's go on to see what the Bible says about happiness.
The Bible's definition of happiness is simple. In Psalms 1:1-2, it says 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' Okay, modern-day translation: Blessed means 'happy', so, good, the bible is going to tell us how to be happy. 'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly' - that means you are happy when you don't take the advice of those who do not know God. 'Nor standeth in the way of sinners' - you don't do the things that sinners do. 'Nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful' - you don't mock or make fun of others. That's pretty easy, right? Don't take the advice of the ungodly, don't do the things that sinners do, and don't mock or make fun of others. A nice list of don'ts. But then the Bible tells you what to do to bring happiness to your life - 'But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.' So, we need to read the bible, and take delight in it. And read it 'day and night' - in other words, all the time.
Now, if you're anything like me, this admonition always seemed to be pretty tough. Not only tough, but darned near impossible. Reading the bible was great, I always thought, but all the time? And take delight in it? Please. The Bible always seemed to be more a list of rules and regulations than anything that I would read for pleasure. Reading for pleasure to me meant a good romance novel, the latest edition of People or Essence or whatever new self-help book was out. But, the Bible? Come on. For one thing, it was written in some ancient, moldy language that no one could understand. And, it wasn't very relevant to what was going on right now, right here in my life, today. No 'thou shalts' or 'goeth hithers' was going to tell me what to do when my boyfriend started trippin' or my mom got on my nerves or when I wanted to curse out my boss at work. The Bible seemed to be outdated, preachy and out of touch, to say the least. That is, until the day you really need it....
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
How Can You Find Happiness? (Part 1)
Part 2: What is Happiness?
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
I want to kick off this blog with one of my favorite topics - Can you really find true happiness? It's something I'm sure you've thought about for years - and spent many of those years pursuing. How can you find it for yourself? Read on:
What is the source of true happiness? Is it all just a myth? What does the Bible have to say about it? Shouldn't we pursue God and service to Him instead of trying to meet our own selfish needs?
Life is tough, right? And, if you've been a Christian for any length of time, you have made the great and wondrous discovery that being a Christian does not mean your problems are fewer. As a matter of fact, you probably have more problems now than when you were 'unsaved' or 'living in the world'! And, yes, we've all heard the admonitions that Satan is out to get us and he is out to attack us now that we have declared our allegiance to God in this war of the spirits. Yes, we know that trials come to make us stronger and greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world and yes, we are the head and not the tail and more than a conqueror to Him that loves us. We can all quote those scriptures, sing those songs and shout a good hallelujah on them during church services.
But, really, doesn't some small corner of your mind sometimes whisper to you, late at night, just when you're trying to sleep and don't have a million and one other distractions going on - 'Is this all there is? Is this what life is really about? Is all of life meant to be a trial, a test, a learning experience? Must I grow every day? When, oh, when do I just get to be………happy?'
So, the first question we must ask ourselves is: What is Happiness?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Part 3: Why Can't I Just Be Happy?
I want to kick off this blog with one of my favorite topics - Can you really find true happiness? It's something I'm sure you've thought about for years - and spent many of those years pursuing. How can you find it for yourself? Read on:
What is the source of true happiness? Is it all just a myth? What does the Bible have to say about it? Shouldn't we pursue God and service to Him instead of trying to meet our own selfish needs?
Life is tough, right? And, if you've been a Christian for any length of time, you have made the great and wondrous discovery that being a Christian does not mean your problems are fewer. As a matter of fact, you probably have more problems now than when you were 'unsaved' or 'living in the world'! And, yes, we've all heard the admonitions that Satan is out to get us and he is out to attack us now that we have declared our allegiance to God in this war of the spirits. Yes, we know that trials come to make us stronger and greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world and yes, we are the head and not the tail and more than a conqueror to Him that loves us. We can all quote those scriptures, sing those songs and shout a good hallelujah on them during church services.
But, really, doesn't some small corner of your mind sometimes whisper to you, late at night, just when you're trying to sleep and don't have a million and one other distractions going on - 'Is this all there is? Is this what life is really about? Is all of life meant to be a trial, a test, a learning experience? Must I grow every day? When, oh, when do I just get to be………happy?'
So, the first question we must ask ourselves is: What is Happiness?
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
Hello Everyone
Hello - and thank you for visiting! I already have a home website, Urban Christianz Ministries, and another blog, One Black Christian Woman's Perspective, but I wanted to start this blog to showcase the links between Psychology and Christianity. This is because, as a student of Psychology, I noticed that so many of the same principles could be found in the Bible. That whole positivity movement? Covered by Paul's admonition to think of good things in Ephesians. Changing your mindset? Covered by the injunction to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. The Bible is filled with so much good advice and we often overlook it in our quest to make it through our normal, every day, hectic, stress-filled lives. We often think of reading the Bble as a burden, not realizing that the keys to so many of our problems can be found in the stories, admonitions, advice and commandments contained within its covers.
I want to help you to find all the ways the Bible can help you in your every day life. How you can deal with stress. How to find peace. How to find comfort and love. Where strength comes from. How to become God-sufficient (instead of self-sufficient). And how the Bible can help you to overcome such things as depression, loneliness, isolation and emotional pain. So, stick around, comment and let me know what you think and come back often as the journey begins to a healthier, more positive, Christ-centered life!
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
I want to help you to find all the ways the Bible can help you in your every day life. How you can deal with stress. How to find peace. How to find comfort and love. Where strength comes from. How to become God-sufficient (instead of self-sufficient). And how the Bible can help you to overcome such things as depression, loneliness, isolation and emotional pain. So, stick around, comment and let me know what you think and come back often as the journey begins to a healthier, more positive, Christ-centered life!
Religion, Spirituality, Christian, Christianity, Self-Help, Advice
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